


Meet Me There Tomorrow

by Caullie



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abuse, Adorable Eren Yeager, Bottom Eren Yeager, Cute Eren Yeager, Eren has supporters among the common people, Eventual Happy Ending, Everyone is protective of Eren, Family, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, Lots of hurt lots of comfort, M/M, Nile is an asshole in this one, Oblivious Eren Yeager, Protective Armin Arlert, Protective Jean Kirstein, Protective Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Protective Mikasa Ackerman, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Shiganshina Trio, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-06
Updated: 2017-11-17
Packaged: 2018-11-28 09:01:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 41,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11414601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caullie/pseuds/Caullie
Summary: Eren's custody was handed over to the Military Police instead of the Survey Corp that day in the courtroom. The horror and pain that Eren suffers at the hands of the military police leaves him broken and with the knowledge that maybe the titans aren't the biggest monsters out there after all.Levi and the Survey Corps work relentlessly to get Eren back. The Captain had admired the boy's courage and tenacity. And since locking eyes with him in court he can't help but feel an urgent pull towards the young soldier.This is a story about love and cruelty. It's about being broken and being strong. This is how Eren learns to breathe and fight again by drawing strength from his loved ones. And about how a certain Captain shows him that love can come from the darkest of places.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I was completely not sure if I should post this or not. I've resisted writing SNK fanfiction for so long but I decided why the hell not. I just really had a few ideas floating around in my head that wouldn't leave me alone. I apologize in advance for what I'm sure is going to be a ridiculously self indulgent fic in which I weave in everything I've ever wanted to see in a Riren fic ever. I'm a huge slut for hurt/comfort so there will be a lot of hurt and a lot of comfort in this fic. Eren is my favorite character and I just love how strong he is and how resilient he is. He is not the most naturally talented, smartest or strongest, but he is a fighter and ridiculously determined in everything he does. He gives 1000% effort on everything whether its fighting titans or being a friend. I am also a huge slut for everyone adoring and being protective of Eren because he is kind of an idiot with the best intentions and he's always off getting into trouble because he refuses to stay silent if he sees a shitty situation. 
> 
> I'm also terribly sorry for that shitty ass summary. I have no idea what to write lol. This is my first actual attempt at writing a fanfic even though my whole life is basically reading fanfics XD. I'm super nervous about everyone yelling at me and hating my fic so please be gentle it's my first time. OTL
> 
> Also Nile Dok is the main villain in this. I didn't really know who else to make it so I hope everyone's okay with that because that's what it is lol. 
> 
> Trigger Warning: There will be scenes of physical, emotional and sexual abuse. I will make sure to put adequate warnings before these scenes so that they will be skippable if you want to skip them. This is not going to be one of those fanfics though where Eren's abused but then Levi's dick magically heals everything and he's super fine after that. It will be about rebuilding trust and re-establishing a sense of security and self. It will be a journey for everyone involved.

Eren's POV

 

 

Eren blinked, slowly regaining consciousness. The grey stone walls around him slowly came into focus. 

 ' _Where am... I?'_ he thought to himself. His body ached and felt all too heavy.

Eren opened his mouth to speak and the effort was so great he was almost immediately exhausted. His mind was like a hazy cloud and his body felt almost as if it was disconnected from himself. For the life of him he couldn't remember how or why he had ended up here.

Eren moved to reach up to rub at his still bleary eyes and found that he couldn't. 

With something of a jolt he realized that his wrists were shackled together and pulled loosely over his head. He tugged weakly at his restraints and hissed lightly as the sharp metal dug into his skin. The shock of finding himself restrained coursed through his mind in a muted sluggish fashion but it was enough to prompt him to shake his head and attempt to better take in his surroundings. 

It was then that he noticed there were shackles around his ankles as well. He was sitting upon what appeared to be a bed and in a cell like room that was similar to the one he had been held in before the trial. 

...The trial.. The trial!  That's right. Eren blinked and attempted to grab hold of the tendrils of memories that seemed to be taunting him by lying just outside of his reach. He was focusing so hard on trying to grasp the flashes of memories that he failed to hear the door to his cell open. 

"So you're awake then Mr. Jaeger." 

Eren's head snapped up at the sound of his name, though his skin crawled at the tone in the stranger's voice. His bright green eyes met cold black ones and a chill ran down his spine. This man was no stranger he realized as the memories from a few hours previous suddenly flooded back to him. 

_\--_

_6 hours earlier..._

_Eren barely heard the angry words that were pouring from his mouth. He couldn't stop them any more than he could stop the rain from falling or the sun from shining. That was just who he was -- too much passion and determination and not nearly enough thought before he acted. It was those bastards' fault though, really. They had the nerve to bring his sister into this and dared to imply that she was a monster like him?!? These pieces of shit who sat comfortably behind their walls while those less privileged died so they could have their safety and their luxuries... it was just despicable and Eren had never been one to stay silent in the face of any sort of injustice._

_He jerked at the restraints that bound his arms behind his back and looked around at his audience with wide, wild eyes. He took in the shocked faces of the people around him as his angry words continued to spill from his mouth. It wasn't until he caught sight of the commander of the Military Police, Nile Dok, that his words died in his throat._

_Without breaking eye contact with Eren, Nile began to speak._

_"I think that this is an adequate display of why Mr. Jaeger should be handed over to the Military Police. He is obviously volatile and unable to control even his human instincts. There is no saying what kind of havoc he could wreck in his titan form. As he is, he is nothing but a threat to humanity..."_

_Eren's mind processed the other man's words but there was something in Nile's expression that silenced any arguments that he might have said. He could almost feel Nile's black beady eyes as they raked over his form in a way that made him desperately wish he  wasn't on his knees. A terrible apprehension that he didn't quite understand curled to life and settled heavily in his stomach._

_"After what we have seen and heard today, it is ridiculous to even consider handing him over to the Scout Regiment where countless lives will no doubt be lost gambling on this boy on the off chance that he might not be a threat. However, we in the Military Police do recognize the scientific value of being able to study his kind..." Nile was continuing to appeal to the now silent court, "After a thorough examination of his body..."_

_It was here that Eren's skin crawled and he fought the instinct to curl into himself at the leer the other man sent his way._

_"We will ensure that Eren Jaeger will no longer prove to be a threat to humanity." Nile's words held an air of finality and as he finished the crowd broke out into murmurs and not so silent cries of agreement._

_The rest of the trial was a blur. Eren barely heard the counter arguments from the other factions. Commander Erwin gave a convincing argument but it seemed that Nile had already swayed the crowd as well as the judge._

_"The final verdict is as follows. Custody of Eren Jaeger will immediately be handed over to the Military Police, with Nile Dok serving as his direct guardian."_

_Eren felt like he had been punched in the stomach as all the air left his lungs. He couldn't stop the fear from showing in his eyes as he was forcibly led over to Nile and his group of Military Police. His eyes widened and he felt suddenly nauseous as he took in their over eager stares._

_"Eren! Eren, No! Let me go! EREN!" It was Mikasa's furious screams that broke him out of his haze and he tore his gaze away from his captors, searching frantically for his sister. Mikasa and Armin were both fighting as hard as they could to get to him, and it took several scouts putting in all their effort to restrain them both._

_"Eren we won't leave you with those bastards!" Armin screamed, his blue eyes were angry and horrified._

_"Mikasa! Armin!" Eren cried out but was powerless to close the distance between himself and his most precious people._

_Rough hands gripped his shoulders and propelled him forward. His legs locked in panic and he was forced to stumble forward._

_"Say good bye to your little friends Jaeger." A cruel voice whispered in his ear. Nile's mouth was so close to his face that he could feel the other man's hot breath on his neck and his cheek._

_"No! Eren!" It was Mikasa again._

_There was a sharp pain in his neck as a syringe was emptied into his veins. Almost instantly his vision became blurry. The last thing he saw as he locked back toward his friends were his childhood heroes._

_Commander Erwin and Captain Levi._

_Especially him... Captain Levi._

_Eren caught Levi's gaze and as he looked into those steel grey eyes, it was like time stood still. A yearning so strong and so sudden burst forth in his chest, and just as suddenly his vision faded to black. The last thing he remembered was that slight look of concern in Levi's piercing grey eyes._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren's POV and then some of Levi's POV after the trial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Completely un-beta'd I'm sorry if I make shitty mistakes

  **Eren's POV**

Eren started visibly as Commander Dok was suddenly beside him. A cruel and amused laugh drifted down to his ears. 

"Please do take it easy Mr. Jaeger. You should be feeling a bit sluggish until the drug we gave you wears off. I must apologize about that as we weren't sure exactly which dosage to give a titan." Nile said not sounding the least bit apologetic at all. 

Eren grit his teeth in anger and mustered up the strength to glare up at the asshole in front of him. 

"Fuck... you..." He ground out. The effort of speaking was almost too much and all of his efforts were only rewarded by another cruel chuckle. 

Niles reached forward and grabbed his chin forcing him to look up at him. 

"Those are awfully brave words for a silly little boy who is completely at my mercy." The older's words sent chills down his spine, but Eren refused to be cowed and only increased the intensity of his glare. Nile smirked and released the grip he had on his chin though Eren continued to watch him with wary eyes. 

 "Believe me, I am fully aware that you are no threat to humanity. I've heard the reports of your titan slaying in your titan form. And even then, I could see your foolish pure-hearted intentions with just one glance into your big pretty eyes. Unfortunately for you, it was probably those big pretty eyes that made me notice you. And I was definitely not the only one in the courtroom today who looked at you with less than pure intentions... I saw the other hungry looks that damn near everyone in that room was sending you. And how could they not? With such a pretty little thing bent over and on your knees like that."

Eren hated the blush that he knew was sure to be coating his cheeks upon hearing those disgusting words. But even more than that he hated the way in which Nile watched him and seemed to take pleasure in his discomfort. Nile circled around to the other side of his bed and his eyes had the feel of a predator taunting its prey. 

"To have something so young, so beautiful and so fiery at my mercy... well, it was then I knew I had to have you." Eren could not repress the shudder that shook his thin frame as the older man leaned forward any more than he could hide the look of naked shock and horror on his face. 

"Oh please, don't look so shocked. I am a man in a position of great power who takes what he wants. Yes, we do have scientists who are eager to learn what they can from your body, and so they shall... but I have much more satisfying uses for your body as well." 

He ran a deceptively gentle hand down the length of Eren's shackled arm, who tensed instantly in revulsion. 

"Come now Eren, surely you are not so naive..."  taking pleasure in the horrified expression of the boy in front of him, Nile continued though he began to retreat out of the room, "oh you are? How delectable then... Don't worry, I'll be seeing you very soon." 

Eren growled at his exiting form as speaking at the moment was impossible. Fear twisted in his stomach at the sound of that sick promise. He could only watch, furious at his helplessness, as Nile left. 

"We will move out within the hour. Keep an eye on him but do not touch him. He is mine to break first. You stupid dogs will get your turn." Eren paled at his words as Nile gave instructions to the two guards outside his door. He sunk down in his chains and refused to meet the unmasked looks of eagerness that the guards were sending him. Exhausted and afraid it took only moments for unconsciousness to overcome him. 

 

**Levi's POV**

"Well that did not go as planned." Hanji said, the irony at her understatement saturated her voice and weighed each word down with the severity of the situation. 

"No shit." Levi scoffed, his arms crossed and angry over his torso. "Well obviously we can't leave him in the hands of those sick Military Police bastards." Levi sure as hell hadn't missed the leers Nile and his men had been sending the poor kid from the moment he had been herded into the courtroom. 

"We won't be leaving him there." Erwin finally spoke up. His thick eyebrows were drawn together in thought. 

The three of them each had only spent moments with the determined, green eyed young man but Levi could already see that somehow the kid had found himself a soft spot in Hanji and Erwin's hearts. He remembered those moments before Eren had passed out and how those expressive eyes had locked onto his. He remembered that determined voice that night in the dungeon that spoke of the kid's undying determination to fight for humanity and well fuck, maybe he'd developed the slightest soft spot for that brat as well. 

"They're going to destroy him..." Hanji said softly shaking her head. 

Levi locked eyes with Erwin who gave him a short nod and said, "Not if we can help it." 

"Okay. Let's get him back." 

They all had a lot riding on Eren Jaeger after all. 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa and Armin might have a plan to get Eren back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for such a positive response!! I'm so excited that you guys seem to like it so far and don't think I'm a piece of shit. I tried to make the chapter a bit longer to show my thanks!!
> 
> I really wanted to get into some more about the relationship between the Shiganshina trio because I adore them and their relationship so much. I think it's so deep and incredible how much they care for each other and I want to expand on that more. In my head the three of them are very affectionate with each other both verbally and physically but only amongst the three of them. It is due to their being so close that there are no types of boundaries between them and growing up together. It's all platonic but it doesn't make it any less meaningful.  
> Also being super self indulgent because I'm a huge fan of the idea of Mikasa and Armin being this team that works together to protect Eren without him noticing it because he's too busy being an angry puppy and yelling at people much bigger than him for being assholes.

 

 

**Mikasa and Armin POV**

Everyone knew that Eren would do anything for Mikasa and Armin without hesitation. If you so much muttered something shitty under your breath about Mikasa, Eren would drop whatever he was doing to fight you no matter how much older or larger you might be. He had been sticking up for Armin against bullies since he could first throw a punch, and hell-- he had dived head first into the mouth of a titan for his best friend. There was no questioning the ferocity of his loyalty or love for either of them. What was equally obvious but not as overstated was the fact that Mikasa and Armin were just as over protective, perhaps even more so, of Eren as well. 

This was because as the years had passed Mikasa and Armin needed Eren's protection less and less, whereas it was Eren who needed theirs more-- whether he knew it or not. Mikasa had grown into a strong and intimidating young woman. Just a single glance from her blank dark eyes was usually more than enough to stop anyone from even thinking  about messing with her.

Armin, while still small in stature, had developed a quiet strength of his own. After the wall fell, this strength of his grew rapidly into an impressive barrier of mental fortification. He could fix you with an unwavering stare of warning that hinted of a cool intelligence and a promise that he was not to be messed with. He was quiet but Eren and Mikasa had witnessed him on more than one occasion reducing grown men to tears with only his words. 

But Eren... somehow he had managed to retain his childhood trait of wearing his heart on his sleeve. At the slightest provocation or sense of injustice he would be off in a rage. His great big eyes, slender frame and ability to release the most angry and passionate words at the drop of a hat had the habit of attracting a lot of attention over the years. Another completely Eren trait was his total lack of both self awareness and self preservation. Both Armin and Mikasa knew that in Eren's head he was still the one who had saved Mikasa when they were 9 and that he was still Armin's ever vigilant defender against bullies. They loved him all the more for it, but it definitely didn't make their jobs any easier.

Eren honestly had no idea at all how attractive he was. He had no clue how breathtaking his big ocean eyes were or how lovely he looked when his lithe form was trembling from pent up rage. The idea that he was anything more than a shield for his loved ones or a determined soldier had simply never crossed his mind. But Mikasa and Armin had seen the way Eren's angry yells and ability to cause a scene had drawn the appreciative gazes of bystanders. The occurrence was frequent enough that the two of them had developed quite the protect-Eren-from-creepy-perverts system. Armin would calm Eren down and attempt to remove him from the situation and Mikasa would send silent threats to anyone that dared look at her brother the wrong way. 

That was why it felt like their worst nightmares coming true when they saw the way Nile was leering at Eren that day in the courtroom. Mikasa already felt sick at the idea of those Military Police assholes poking and prodding at her brother like he was some type of experiment but it was those looks that had made her blood run cold. 

The following days had been hell. The two of them were more attached at the hip than usual, but they looked strangely incomplete without Eren's mop of brown hair. Unsurprisingly, the two of them felt as incomplete as they looked. Each second that passed seemed like torture as they feared for Eren and the state he would be in when they got him back.  _When_ they got him back, because they would-- no matter what. It was killing them to imagine Eren alone and afraid in the hands of those bastards who were obviously chomping at the bit to hurt him. They had worked so hard over the years to preserve the almost innocent fire of determination that burned so brightly inside of him. It was being threatened now and it was destroying them. 

Mikasa thought back to those long nights when she was first getting adjusted to life at the Jaeger's. There were nights when she would wake up drenched in sweat with a scream caught in her throat. When the bloody images of that night-- the death of her parents, what she had done-- had forced their way into her dreams. She remembered how Eren would be there in an instant, awake and already crossing over to her bed to take her gently into his arms. He would wrap her scarf around her shoulders comfortingly and stroke her hair. He would spend hours at her bedside calming her and whispering soothing words.  _"It's over. You're safe. I won't let anyone hurt you anymore, Mikasa, you're my sister now."_ He had said pulling her from the prison of her memories and reminding her that she still had family all at once. 

Armin remembered the days when he was still being bullied. After Eren would fight them off no matter the odds, he could be battered, bruised and bleeding but he would never fail to sit down beside Armin and interlock their fingers. He would hug him even if it hurt him to do so and say "Those guys are just stupid bastards, 'Min." He would look at him with patient eyes and say, "You are so much better than any of them. You're so smart, brave and kind even though they are shitty to you! And you're the best friend in the whole world and I'm so proud that you are my best friend!" And every time he was just so earnest that Armin couldn't help to believe him and smile. 

They had always been there for each other. The three of them had been through hell and back together and it killed them that they couldn't be there for Eren now. They wanted to pull him close and tell him that he wasn't a monster or a some military tool. They wanted to be there to tell him over and over again that it wasn't his fault and that he didn't deserve to have the weight of the world on his shoulders. He would probably never believe them, but they would have given anything to have the chance to say the words.

"We're going to be inducted into the Scouts tomorrow. The Scouts wanted Eren to fight for them. We need to convince them to help us get him back." Armin said breaking the silence. 

"We will." Mikasa said locking eyes with him in a voice that was absolute. 

 

-

(Note: I'm not sure how much time passed between the trial and members of the 104th becoming scouts but here it happened really quickly after the trial.) 

 

**Levi POV**

Levi watched as Erwin exhaled harshly in a rare moment of outward frustration. He was leaned up against one of the walls of Erwin's study with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Nothing helpful from those shitty Military Police bastards?" Levi asked not sounding the least bit surprised. 

Erwin ripped the letter he was holding in half as a reply. "No of course not. They're completely rejecting our correspondence." The large blonde man leaned forward and positioned his elbows on his desk, a look of troubled though settling on his face. "I'm not sure what we can do short of breaking him out. And that is going to just cause a riot. We'll be in even a worse situation after that." 

It was times like these when Levi absolutely detested being an officer of the law. "Is there no way we could break him out without it leading back to us?" 

"Even if we could, the suspicion would land heavily on us. And as soon as we needed Eren's titan powers, everything would be revealed anyway." Levi knew that. Of course he knew that. The situation really was too frustrating. 

Knock, knock, knock. 

They were interrupted by the sound of three harsh raps on the door. Levi frowned and sent a questioning look toward Erwin as he didn't believe the commander was expecting any visitors. Erwin shook his head looking equally as confused. Levi pulled the door open and revealed two figures, one seemed to be panting slightly as if they had just run there. It was a shorter boy with a blonde bob cut and a sturdy looking girl with dark short black hair. Levi had the distinct feeling he recognized them. Right, from the trial. They must be friends of Eren Jaeger as they had seemed inconsolable as he had been lead away. Mikasa Ackermann she was top of the class, her combat skills unparalleled among her peers. Armin Arlert, he had already shown a strong strategic mind. Yes, he had heard of them. 

"Commander Erwin, Captain Levi... We're sorry for the interruption. Could we have a moment of your time?" The Arlert boy was asking politely although he seemed to be still slightly winded. 

Mikasa, however, interjected impatiently before either of the two superior officers were able to respond. "We're family of Eren Jaeger." Family, Levi thought, that's interesting. But he frowned nonetheless, if these kids wanted answers they were going to be disappointed. 

"How can we help you Miss Ackerman, Mister Arlert?" Erwin asked cordially enough, it was only due to knowing him for years that Levi was able to detect the wariness in his voice. 

"We're here to convince you that Eren shouldn't be with the Military Police and to implore you to make him part of the scouts as you originally planned during the trial." Armin said as the two of them stepped into the room. While his voice shook slightly on the last syllable, he met both Erwin and Levi's gazes and held his head high which was not missed by anyone in the room. 

Erwin took a moment and then turned in his chair so he was bodily facing the newcomers. "You don't have to convince us. We still believe that Eren Jaeger is an asset to humanity and are doing all we can to get him back." The commander's voice was kind but tired. 

"You're not doing enough." Mikasa stated boldly as she glared at them. Levi's eye twitched slightly in annoyance. They'd been working day and night since the trial to pull strings and explore what options they had to getting the military police to relinquish their hold on the Jaeger kid. 

"Tch, we're doing what we can. We're doing more than you know, shitty brats." Levi said looking Mikasa in the eye.

To his surprise it was her that looked away first. "They're going to  _hurt_  him." She all but whispered. At those words a sharp unpleasant feeling formed in his stomach. Because there wasn't anything he could say to dispute that fact. With a glance up at Erwin he could tell that the older man was experiencing a similar feeling of unpleasantness. It was times like these that reminded him that while they certainly shouldn't be underestimated or babied, these young soldiers were just kids. 

"Is there anything we can do to help?" Armin asked, the desperation in his voice breaking the silence, "I might have a vague idea of how we could go about getting him back within the means of the law." Of course the kid would have realized that whatever way they got Eren back would have to be sanctioned or his friend would just remain a prisoner in a different cage. 

Erwin leaned forward in interest at this revelation and Levi was sure he was remembering the reports from the other scouts of how Armin had played a strategic role in the past. 

"Alright Mr. Arlert, I'm listening. Any ideas you have to contribute would be most welcome." 

Armin nearly leaped forward in excitement. "Ah, right, well... I was thinking..." And he told him the rough outlines for his plan. As Levi listened he couldn't help to be mildly impressed. Maybe he and Erwin had been in this game for too long because this kid had found a different perspective and while it was rough, it was good... it was good enough to work.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of Eren and the vague cliffhanger. Next chapter we will go to what's happening with Eren!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We see a bit of Eren and also the plan to get him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: There is non-descriptive non-consensual sex/rape in this chapter. If you would like to skip it, please skip Eren's POV section. There is some non consensual touching as well in the same section, but the actual rape itself is not graphic.

**Eren's POV**

Eren startled awake at the sound of the door to his cell being opened. He blinked the sleep from his eyes as he got adjusted to the dim light. He was able to figure out his situation a lot more quickly than before as it seemed he was not drugged. It appeared that he was in a different cell, he assumed somewhere beneath the headquarters of the Military Police building. He appeared to be laying on some type of bed, although it was really uncomfortable and didn't have any sheets. He attempted to sit up but then realized he couldn't. His arms were pulled up above his head and chained together at the wrists. The chains on his wrists were then attached to the top of the bed pulled tightly enough that there was little slack. His legs were pulled about and shackled by his ankles to the corners of the bed. Eren wanted to cry out in frustration at his helpless position. 

While he was unconscious it appeared that someone had bathed him and changed him into a simple button down shirt that appeared to be a couple sizes too large-- It was almost as if they weren't used to keeping young boys chained to bed in their god forsaken dungeons-- and a simple pair of pants that would have hung loosely from his hips had he been able to stand. He was grateful to be clean but the idea of someone bathing and changing him while he was unconscious left him feeling distinctly uncomfortable. 

"I do hope you like your new home, Mr. Jaeger." Fuck, that was Nile's slimy voice. Eren nearly gagged at the way the man had said his name, as if he were caressing it. From his horizontal position on the bed he couldn't see Nile yet, but he could hear his footsteps slowly approaching. Each heavy footfall had his heart sinking just a little lower. 

When the older man finally reached his bedside and towered over him, Eren could see his look of controlled eagerness, but he refused to look away and matched his gaze with a defiant one of his own. 

Just seeing that stupid smirking face, the brunette felt an angry fire flame to life in his stomach. The sudden burst of anger was almost comforting, when he was so desperately far from his own comfort zone. 

"Ha, yes... there it is..." Nile's voice was low and dangerous. His lips were curled up into a nasty smile as he met the intensity of Eren's glare head on. He enjoyed the rage burning behind those big green eyes. "That's right pet, get angry. That expression on you really is lovely, and it'll make breaking you all the more fun." 

The boy's eyes flashed in fury as he was unable to stop himself from rising to bait. He tugged uselessly on his chains which only seemed to emphasize how helpless he was currently. The commander watched this display with unrestrained amusement. His expression hungry as his eyes raked across the struggling form before him. He reached out to run a thumb across Eren's flushed cheek. The boy's skin was just as soft as it looked. 

Eren jerked away at the contact. "Don't touch me! I will fucking kill you!" 

His reply came with a cruel chuckle, "Oh you silly little thing, I'm going to do a lot more to you than just touch you." 

Long fingers began to fumble with the top button of his shirt. Eren jerked back instantly as he realized what the other man was doing, but with the bed to his back, there was no where to go. Eren kicked and thrashed as hard as he could given his restraints, but despite this, Nile was able to discard his clothes all too easily. 

The brunette boy found himself trembling, as Nile slid his hands down the length of his body, refusing to leave a single part of him untouched. Rough hands reached around behind him to fondle his ass and he knew without looking that his captor was smiling cruelly. 

Nothing could have prepared him for what came next. He hated himself and how easy it was for that bastard to take him apart. He hated himself as the sounds of his sobs filled the room and wished desperately that he could block out the sounds of the man grunting as he thrust into him mercilessly. 

When it was over and Nile had left him bleeding and crying, Eren felt numb with the shock of what had just happened. He had been thrown a rag and unshackled, obviously in no state to fight back. He pulled his discarded clothes around his shaking body and used all of his effort to focus on breathing. 

He was so angry and hurt. He felt disgusting and weak and just so used. He was too tired to feel the onslaught of emotions that were sending tremors throughout his body. So he curled up and cried. And cried and cried. He squeezed his eyes shut and begged to see anything but that man's horrible face. 

He was too exhausted to be surprised when his mind provided that image of Levi standing in the courtroom. The captain was looking over at him and there was concern in his eyes. Those sharp grey eyes looked at him and said, ' _Fight. Do not let this break you. Fight.'_

He stared into those eyes and latched onto that small bit of comfort before succumbing to his exhaustion. 

* * *

 

**Survey Corps POV**

Having lived among the poverty stricken refugees after the wall fell, Armin was fully aware of the majority of people's sentiments towards the Military Police. They were seen as the elite few who were able to live easy, cushy lives while the rest of the population was starving and fighting to survive. Tensions were higher than ever and while many of the people in the inner walls were afraid of what the existence of someone like Eren might mean, there was a large and quickly growing sentiment among the less fortunate masses that truly saw Eren as Humanity's Last Hope. These were the people who had seen the wreckage the titans had caused and had walked among the bodies. They were the ones who had felt the waves of grief as their loved ones were slain. They had known the sheer terror of being the next in line in the titans' path of destruction and had felt the relief when Eren in titan form had sealed the wall. 

When Dot Pixis had stood Eren in front of his soldiers and introduced him as the boy-titan that would lead them to victory, they had been listening. And in the aftermath of it all word had spread like wild fire of the young boy with titan powers that had stopped the titans from pouring through the hole in the wall. In a world where there were no such thing as miracles, the people knew that they had this titan child and the bravery of the Survey Corps to thank for their lives.

After the trial to decide Eren Jaeger's fate, the military had tried to be very hush hush about Eren's custody and future. But Armin had walked through the streets and heard the outraged whispers of Eren's supporters when they'd heard he was to be studied and disposed of. 

Armin knew that with the current tensions between the lower class (who made up the largest section of the population) and the Military Police, the Military Police could not afford a scandal, especially one centered around Humanity's Last Hope. 

That was where is plan came in. He suggested that if one of their own was to be able to infiltrate the Military Police, perhaps as far in as one of Eren's guards, and find evidence that the Military Police were abusing their power, it would become a key bargaining chip. If they were to take the evidence to Zackly, a man who saw things purely in the form of cost vs reward, they could trade Eren's custody for their silence. 

Erwin had acknowledged his strategy and been impressed with its simplicity. He had been commander for too long, and had been caught up in trying to figure out what strings he'd have to pull and what favors he'd have to call in. 

After a bit of deliberating, they had chosen Jean to enact the majority of the plan. He was part of the 104th and while he had butted heads with Eren every step of the way, it was unspoken that the two of them still saw each other as comrades. 

Jean had stumbled in a bit confused as he had been dragged in by Hanji from the stables. He looked around and saw Erwin, Levi, Mikasa and Armin staring at him with serious eyes. 

"Jean, are you willing to help us get Eren back?" Erwin asked jumping straight down to business. "The Survey Corps has acknowledged his value as an asset." His tone was warm despite his words and the meaningful looks he shot Mikasa and Armin made it obvious that the commander recognized Eren's importance as a person as well. 

Jean knew that he had been at Eren's throat all throughout their trainee days. He knew now it was because they were both young and had accepted that he had been too afraid to be as passionate about anything as Eren had. In a way he had always been jealous of Eren's sense of purpose. The younger version of himself never had really been equipped to look into the eyes of someone who had lost everything and understand what he found there. He remembered Marco's lifeless eyes and felt as if he had aged ten years in just a few days. 

"Yes, sir!" Jean replied without hesitation. 

Erwin smiled at him kindly and a little bit apologetically for what they were about to ask him to do.

"Armin has a strong foundation of a plan to get Eren back that involves infiltrating the Military Police to find evidence that they are abusing their position. However, before this is brought before Zackly we will need more hard evidence." 

Erwin stood and faced Levi, "Levi, on the night of you and one of your squad will accompany Jean who will assume the position of one of Eren's guards. Jean, no matter what you see or hear you cannot give away your cover. I have no doubt that Zackly will overlook what we had to do to get evidence if we're successful, but if we are caught mid way through then there will be severe repercussions imposed on us. Can you do that Jean?"

Jean swallowed but steeled himself. "Yes sir, I can."

Erwin nodded in approval before continuing, "Levi and his man will hide until Jean's shift is completed and as the guards are changing, Jean will indicate which one appears to have the most damning knowledge, who will then be abducted. Upon return the witness will have to be... interrogated. If we can get them to give up names, especially, we will have a much better chance of getting Eren back."

"When do we move?" Levi asked his voice betraying nothing. 

"Tomorrow night. I need to pull a few strings to secure Jean's position as a guard." Erwin replied. 

Jean swallowed suddenly apprehensive. Tomorrow night then. 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren clings to his humanity like a lifeline

**Eren's POV**

If Eren had thought that that first night here with Nile was to be the worst or the end of it, he had been in for a rude awakening. 

He had been roughly dragged from his room and strapped to an examination table. He had been surrounded by scientists wearing masks and emotionless expressions. They had taken to his body with saws and scalpels, acid and flame. They muttered to each other in unattached and clinical tones as they hurt him. His blood splashed across the floor and his screams filled the room and they watched with a detached type of interest. At first he had screamed and shouted calling them names and swearing. He had spat at them and resisted, but it didn't make any difference in the end. 

They had approached him with needles and he had flinched on instinct, blurry memories surfacing of his father and a forest and something  _important_. And then they had forced the liquid into his veins and from what they said, he could tell, that was what was keeping him alive. Alive was a bit of an overstatement at that... he was kept just healthy enough that he didn't die, but he was so so weak. 

Eren was not sure if days or months or years had passed. After their sessions of torture-- after he had mostly healed from whatever damage had been inflicted upon his body and thorough notes had been taken, he would be dragged back and thrown unceremoniously into his cell. 

There was no night or day for him anymore. There was just pain and the anticipation of it. 

The heavy click of the door to his cell being opened somehow never failed to fill his body with cold terror, even though he was too weak to react. 

Nile came back frequently using his body as he pleased and leaving him broken to clean up the mess. Sometimes after he was done he would let a few of his men in to have their way with him as well. They taunted him and laughed even after he was far too beaten to resist. He had thought by now he would have become numb to the pain as they handled him roughly and forced their way inside of him. But with his accelerated healing, every time hurt just like the first time. 

* * *

 

There was a reprieve though. Looking back, maybe he would not have made it if it weren't for this. 

At first Eren had though he had died and that the figure standing before him was an angel. The first time he had seen her, he had awoken to the feel of a cool rag being passed across his brow. 

Eren's eyes fluttered open and he looked into the kind eyes of this stranger. She had slightly greying hair that framed a worn and tired looking face. But her smile was sad and the kindness in her eyes seemed real. It had felt like a lifetime since he had seen any form of kindness. He was almost afraid that any action he might make would send her away. 

For a moment, he had thought she was his mother and that maybe it was over. 

His eyes adjusted to the light and he saw that she had light brown, straggled hair, not his mothers dark smooth locks. She also looked to be significantly older than his mother as well. 

She told him her name was Beth, and she continued to wipe the sweat and tears from his face with a gentleness that Eren had not been sure still existed. 

His throat was sore and dry and he struggled to ask the question that was about to burst from his throat but found that the words would not be formed. But he saw that she could see the question in his eyes. 

' _Why?'_

"Shh... child, I am not here to harm you." Beth said her eyes filled with a deep sadness that he could not understand. Who was she sad for? Why? 

She moved slowly and reached for him, eyes looking all the more sad as she watched him flinch weakly with an unsurprised expression. "Come, child. I will not hurt you." She repeated calmly. Beth moved slowly to sit on his bedside and placed his head on her lap. Her long bony fingers carded softly through his hair and it had been so long since he had been touched without the intention to hurt him that he couldn't help but find comfort in this. 

"I have been a caretaker here all my life. I have seen so many horrible things within these walls. I have since become immune to the horrors here. Or so I thought... When I heard that they were bringing you here, I was scared." She murmured softly looking into Eren's watery eyes. "My daughter and her husband live in Trost with my young grandson. He would be about your age... They do not live an easy life, but they have a life that is their own and for that I have always been thankful.

When I heard the news that the wall had fallen, I felt sheer terror, unable to accept that I was here and there was nothing I could do to stop my precious family from being slaughtered." Beth continued with a far away look in her eyes, "imagine my relief when I heard about Humanity's first victory and the young titan child who had sealed the wall and saved the lives of my family. That day I cried and cried and I have never been so grateful in all of my years." She turned a sad smile onto him. Eren felt like he couldn't hear the words she was saying. He heard but he did not understand. She was looking at him with such a gentle expression and he did not understand it.

"I am not the only one who has a similar story. I am not the only mother, father or child who is on your side, my boy. There are many who are indebted to you and you have garnered much support with the common folk."

"When I heard you were to come here I was scared because I knew they would do everything they could to break you. I wondered what kind of boy you would be. But as I look into your eyes right now I can see that you are such a good child. You are so brave. You have been through too much and you don't deserve any of it. You are just a boy aren't you?" Eren felt something wet hit his cheek and he realized that there were tears dripping down Beth's cheeks as she continued to stroke his hair gently.

Eren could not remember the last time someone had spoken to him in such a way. She had called him good. She had said he was brave. He didn't know about the truth to those words but she had not called him a monster. And he turned his face toward her and cried. He had cried until he didn't have any tears and still his shoulders wracked with silent sobs. She felt her hands still stroking his hair and it was just so comforting. 

"I am so sorry that I cannot save you from here. But you are not alone. Know that, dear boy, you are not alone." 

Eren had fallen asleep in her lap. A part of him wondered if this was another cruel trick, another dirty experiment constructed just to break him further. But he found at the moment he couldn't care. He was so tired and she had said he was not alone and for the moment that was enough. 

* * *

 

"The bone appears to have rehealed in one hour and thirteen minutes. Ten minutes slow than the previous trial. Hmm... Commencing next trial." 

Eren barely registered his own screams as pain surged through his body  and the sickening sound of his forearm being broken filled the room. His vision swam and he hoped he would pass out from the pain, even though he knew they would not let him rest for long.

And like so many times that he had lay there half delirious from the pain, he heard those precious words.  _'You are not alone.'_ He saw Beth's kind face. She had continued to visit him and hold him and be his angel after they were done with him. With hoarse whispers he had told her about Mikasa and Armin and his mother. He had told her about Shiganshina and the titans. She had listened so patiently as he had told her of his dreams to be in the Survey Corp and defeat the titans. She had smiled sadly but kindly as he told her about Captain Levi and his green eyes and his concern. She had told him about her grandson who he reminded her of and her kind daughter and her husband who was a good man. She had told him about the people who still supported him and reminded him every time that he was not alone. Though her visits were inconsistent and fewer than the visits from the scientists or Nile or his men, they kept him clinging onto his humanity like a lifeline. 

When he closed his eyes to escape the pain he saw Captain Levi's face sometimes and he stood out so fiercely from the darkness. He heard Armin calling out to him happily when they were younger and heard Mikasa urging him "fight Eren fight!" 

He apologized to each of them over and over again in his head.  _I'm sorry. I'm so sorry._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I hope everyone's okay with a small OC in Beth. I wanted Eren to have someone there to be kind to him because he really needs it and also to show how outside of the Military Police, Eren actually does have a lot of supporters.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was Eren, who was so stupidly naive and believed so hard in everyone but himself and Jean was not going to leave him here to these animals. 
> 
> Of that he was damn sure.

**Eren's POV**

"Ha, to think people were actually scared of this little slut." They were laughing at him again, because they never stopped. 

"Turns out all he needed was some good cock." Another one said and was answered with chorus of laughter. 

"Hey you! Newbie! Clean him up for us. He'll heal up and be just like new. I'm feeling really good tonight, like I could go for another round." Eren squeezed his eyes closed at those words and that voice. That was the voice of his personal guard, the one who guarded his cell and while he was in the experimentation room as well. He was the one who had him the most and was often the cruelest. If he had had anything on his stomach he would have thrown up at the thought of a second round. It hurt so much, why couldn't they leave him alone just once? He could hear the hiss of steam and knew that somehow his body was already healing itself. He hated his powers. They were why he was here. They were what had kept him alive this long. If not for them he would have been dead long ago and then he wouldn't have to hurt like this anymore. 

Eren heard the door to his cell open and close. He heard footsteps rushing toward him and he would have been confused if he weren't so tired. 

"Jaeger--Eren. Oh Eren, I'm so sorry." He was being gently lifted and dressed and it was confusing. Why would they do that if their leader had wanted a second go with him? Did that guard just say his name? He turned his head weakly and instantly he knew it had to be some weird dream. 

He was looking into the teary light brown eyes of Jean Kirstein. Eren wanted to laugh. Why was he imagining Jean now? Usually he imagined Levi-- Or Mikasa or Armin or Beth. 

"What are you doing here Horseface?" He wheezed out. 

Jean's eyes widened with shock and for some reason he appeared to be crying harder. Why was Jean crying? Eren really didn't understand. When he had remembered his friends from the 104th they had always been in happy memories to alleviate some of the darkness. 

"Oh Maria... Eren what did they do to you? Eren I'm so sorry. I'll fucking kill these bastards. Eren, we're going to get you out okay? Do you understand? We're going to get you out of here. You have to hang in there okay. Just for a little while longer." Jean whispered to him quickly and urgently trying to meet Eren's unfocused gaze. 

Eren wanted to laugh at this new cruelty. That his mind was supplying him with these ideas that someone was going to save him. He couldn't stop the tears of anguish that ran down his face.  It was just too cruel, he didn't even care he was crying in front of Jean. Jean was crying too and Jean wasn't even really here. 

"Please..." He whispered not sure what he was asking. Please stop taunting him like that. Please stop being so kind. 

Jean nodded so hard it looked like it must have hurt and he pulled Eren close to him so that he could cry on his shoulder. Eren didn't understand because Jean felt so real and solid. 

"I promise we will get you out of here." Jean said his voice suddenly steely with determination. 

Eren just nodded hoping that if he agreed, this weird hallucination of Jean would disappear and stop taunting him with such hopeful ideas. 

 

* * *

_An hour earlier..._

**Jean's POV**

Jean had thought that he would be prepared for whatever he would have to witness in order to keep his cover. He imagined that he would be seeing Eren chained down and beat up. He figured he could handle seeing his friend being taunted or being called names. Jean figured the bored guards would probably be roughing Eren up and he was sure that Eren's angry eyes and words would only cause him to get beaten worse. He figured he could handle that. He knew Eren was strong and could take a punch. 

He was apprehensive but did his best to not let it show. He forced his shoulders to remain relaxed and coaxed his breathing to slow. He tried to remember what he had been like before Trost. He had wanted to join the military police after all. 

He took his position as a guard with ease and did his best to pretend that he was the Jean of his trainee days. The one looked down on Eren for his irrational and hotheaded behavior. He tried to remember how to be the Jean who just wanted to easy life and to take care of himself. 

The was already another guard there who sized him up as soon as he took his position. "You're the newbie then" he said and nodded to him. Jean returned the nod evenly and did his best to look as bored as him.

"They're bringing him back from the research wing. We'll have to wait for a bit after that or the freak won't have healed."  Jean had no idea what that information meant, only that Eren wasn't back yet. He just prayed in his head that the idiot wouldn't blow his cover when he saw him. 

Apparently Jean needn't have worried. A few minutes later two men in the guard uniform came dragging Eren down into the dungeons. Eren's eyes were closed and he was seemingly unconscious. Jean could tell from looking at his face that he was much thinner than he had been when he had last saw him, which was a bit shocking as Eren had always been on the skinny side. He looked so small bunched up between the two burly men who handled him as if he were nothing more than a rag doll. He watched wordlessly as one of the men slapped Eren a few times across the cheek until his eyelids slowly blinked open and revealed those familiar turquoise eyes. 

Jean was taken aback by how much duller they looked. Where was that fire that had annoyed him so much when they had been trainees? 

"Wake up, little monster!" The guard growled roughly tossed him into his cell. The corners of Jean's mouth turned downward before he could stop them at the sound of Eren's body hitting the floor and the small grunt of pain he had made. 

"You know the drill, Commander Nile said we need to give him at least half an hour since there's no telling what kind of fucked up shit they could have pumped into his system and I'm not looking to contract some weird disease." The guard who had tossed Eren into his room said to the other two guards. He appeared to be in charge. Jean still had no idea what he was talking about but he noticed that the guard that had look so bored previously had perked up quite a bit. 

"Oi, newbie." Jean's attention snapped toward the head guard. "You'll be sitting this one out. You've got to earn it after all. You'll be on cleanup duty unless that old hag comes by." Jean nodded carefully ensuring that his confusion did not show on his face. 

 Jean figured the head guard would be his best target. But he wasn't sure if he was supposed to try to talk to him for any information or not. They stood in silence periodically checking their clocks and didn't seem very forthcoming with any information. 

"You alive in there, sweetheart?" The head guard called out to Eren through the bars in the window of the door to his cell. His voice was mockingly sweet and Jean nearly flinched just at the tone. He was as rash and as stubborn as Eren but he wasn't an idiot. His stomach dropped as he put the slowly put the pieces together. Were they going to--

"Alright, you all know how this goes. I get him first and then you can fight over him for who goes next. If you use his mouth then you don't get his ass too. And you," The guard said to them and focused on Jean who suddenly felt violently nauseous, "you can watch if you want, but you're new, so like I said, you get clean up duty. Those dumb lab rats bitch and moan if we return him covered in blood and cum. But I guess they clean him off when they're done with him too." The guard shrugged like what he was saying wasn't the most horrible thing Jean had heard in his entire life. He felt his eyes burning with tears he knew he couldn't let fall and he hated how weak he felt at his inability to do anything. 

This was so much worse than anything they had imagined. The guilt bubbling inside him felt so hot and gross. They had left Eren to these disgusting monsters for two weeks. These fucking bastards had been hurting him like this for _fourteen days_ _._  

He dug his fingernails into his palms so hard they drew blood as he heard those fuckers saying such disgusting things to his friend. Jean shut his eyes and used every ounce of willpower he had to keep his sword sheathed as Eren's broken screams echoed off the dungeon walls. And those bastards fucking laughed. 

Jean had to fight for every breath as he listened as Eren's screams turned to sobs and then quieted down to whimpers as his energy left him. By the time they were done he had schooled his features to what he hoped was normalcy with a determination that he didn't know he had. Whatever happened they had to get him out. This was Eren, who was so stupidly naive and believed so hard in everyone but himself and Jean was not going to leave him here to these animals. 

Of that he was damn sure.

* * *

 

**Levi's POV**

Levi and Mike had hidden in alleyway not too far from the entrance to the dungeons. Though Levi would never let it show on his face, apprehension coiled itself tightly around his lungs. There was so much riding on this mission. The amount of trouble the Survey Corps would be in if something went wrong and they were discovered was tremendous. Levi had never been one for the rules but he was first and foremost a soldier. But he would be lying to himself if he were to say he regretted any of this... Since that night before the trial when Eren had proclaimed his goal to kill titans with such conviction in his eyes-- there was something about that boy that kept him lingering in Levi's thoughts. 

They passed the next few hours in tense silence only communicating through short glances. 

Levi straightened slightly when he saw the light from the dungeons flood the street in front of the alley way and heard some shuffling of feet as Jean traded off his post. Levi watched as Jean's figure walked silently but swiftly down the alley as soon as he was sure nobody was around. He had imagined that the boy would be tense and uncomfortable after being in such a high pressure situation, but he didn't expect the almost calm fury he was greeted with.

Jean's shoulders were surprisingly relaxed but the shaking of his hands gave him away. 

"Captain Levi, sir." Jean took a shuddering breath and Levi watched as emotion rapidly flashed through the other's light eyes. There was anger, sadness, disgust and then just more anger. 

"The one you want is Eren's personal guard. His name is Nicolas and he gets off his shift in two hours." Jean relayed the information in a sort of speeded whisper as if he wasn't sure if he could get the words out. 

When Levi nodded in affirmation and met Jean's gaze, there was a sudden burst of furious bloodlust in the younger's eyes that was so strong it startled the Captain.

_"Show those worthless bastards no mercy."_

Jean said softly. His voice was low and serious. At those words Levi felt as if the air around them had changed and replaced itself with a cold dread. From the way that Mike shifted next to him he knew that he could feel it as well. 

"They don't deserve mercy after... after what they- what they're doing to-to Eren." Jean's voice broke as he stumbled over the words looking completely disgusted. The frightening look in his eyes was gone but Levi could tell it lurked just under the surface. 

He knew better than to ask Jean what he meant when the boy looked like he was barely keeping it together. He silenced the questions that were flooding his mind. Did you see Eren? How was he? Was he hurt? -- He had a job to do and that would have to wait. 

But Levi understood, as he resettled in position to wait for the end of the guard's shift with a newfound sense of purpose.

He understood that no matter what, they couldn't leave Eren alone facing whatever horror it was that gave Jean that haunted expression. 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The debriefing and getting answers from their captive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the support and comments, kudos, bookmarks and subscriptions!!! 
> 
> I can't express to you all how happy it makes me to hear from you about what you think about what's happening. 
> 
> I'm pretty insecure about my writing so hearing that you like it makes me so happy and really encourages me to write more! Thank you so much!

**Levi POV**

The captive guard had been left down in one of the Survey Corps HQ's own dungeon cells. The man was heavily restrained and sedated. Mike and Oluo stood guard outside his door. The big dumb oaf of a man had been easily apprehended as he had left his post so confidently and with an inflated sense of self-worth, oblivious to his surroundings. While the guard didn't seem overly capable, Levi wasn't about to entrust him to anyone but himself or his squad, not when he might be the key to saving Eren.

Levi, Hanji, Erwin and Jean were seated in the Commander's office for a debriefing (mostly from Jean) and further instructions (mostly for Levi).

Erwin's fingers were steepled in front of him as he leaned forward with his elbows on the desk. He was looking toward Jean with an encouraging expression. The young soldier looked completely exhausted. His eyes were red and underneath them he sported large dark circles. He was much calmer than he had been in the alley, but whatever happened in the dungeon was obviously something that he didn't want to talk about.

"Okay Jean, you need to tell us what you saw so that Levi is prepared for when he interrogates the guard." Erwin said gently but his voice was still firm. 

Jean exhaled and smoothed his palms down over his pants as he prepared to speak. 

  
"When I got there, Eren wasn't in his cell yet, he was still being... experimented on I guess..." Jean steeled his voice and adopted a very business like tone as he continued. He spoke quickly just to get the words out and did not make eye contact with anyone in the room. 

He told them about how they had dragged his teammate and thrown him carelessly onto the cell floor. And then he told them how the three other guards had proceeded to joke around and laugh as they forced themselves onto Eren. He told them about how they had told him to clean Eren up so that they could use him again and how confused Eren had been when he'd seen Jean standing there crying. He told them about how afterwards that horrible guard that was currently chained up in the basement, had bragged to those around him about how many times he had had Eren. He spared the commanding officers no details because they needed to know how urgent it was that they rescue his teammate. He told them everything, so that maybe he wouldn't be alone in the memories. As he told them, Jean couldn't keep the image of Eren's tired face and his hollow eyes out of his mind and it sent silent tears cascading down his cheeks. 

As Jean spoke and relayed the horrible things that he had seen Levi felt as if something inside of him had broken. He felt a murderous rage building within his body and his hands were clenched so tightly that his nails dug into his palms and blood dripped down onto his pants. In any other circumstances he would have been disgusted, but as it was he didn't even notice. Levi saw the horrified look in Erwin's eyes and the deadly anger in Hanji's as well. 

He shouldn't have been here. He shouldn't have heard all of that. Because he was one quick movement away from running to the basement and killing that pathetic excuse for a human. He thought of Eren that day in the courtroom. He closed his eyes and he saw those big green eyes that were filled with determination. He heard the angry, passionate words that he had yelled to defend his sister. He remembered how that boy had yelled his accusations against powerful men who held his life in their hands because he believed so fiercely in what he was saying. The fact that those Military Police scum had hurt that boy made him want to scream. 

Levi remembered the piece of shit that was in their basement. He remembered that smug expression on his face when he had been apprehended. He imagined those big, rough hands touching Eren and hurting him. He had seen awful things both underground and as a soldier and yet this filled him with hot rage like no other. He wanted to kill that man and slowly- so that he might suffer a fraction of what he had put Eren through. If Levi had not been so consumed by his bloodlust and anger he might have realized that this was a response rather out of character for him. He tried to always look at the horrible things with a sort of detached purpose and file away the horrors he encountered until he could take them out on titans. 

Levi could only think of the ways in which he was going to make that bastard suffer. He tensed the muscles in his legs and was about to stand up--

"Levi" Erwin's voice brought him back and he realized where he was. Erwin's eyes were sharp and his hands were clenched into fists atop his desk. Levi could tell that he too was filled with anger and disgust. 

A moment of tense silence passed as Levi forced himself to sink back into his chair. 

"You know what you have to do then Levi. Hanji." Erwin said his voice low. If Levi were a lesser man he might have even shivered at the coldness in Erwin's voice. Many knew Erwin as the charismatic and kind Commander of the Survey Corps and he was, but he could not be commander without a vicious side as well. "See that he stays alive." The words that he left unspoken were clear as day,  _make sure he suffers._

Levi glanced over at the other squad leader and saw that Hanji's eyes were narrowed and serious. She looked so different from her normal silly excitement. She looked like she was out for blood.

Good, they were on the same page. 

* * *

Levi thought that he and Hanji definitely made a great team sometimes. Of course he called her shitty glasses and she was constantly annoying him, but she was one of his closest friends. He'd never admit it aloud of course, it was enough that they both knew it. She was incredibly loyal, fiercely protective of those she cared about and not afraid to get her hands dirty. 

He knew that with his intimidating force and presence and Hanji's meticulous skill with a scalpel that it wouldn't take too long to get their prisoner to start singing like a bird. And it hadn't really taken much in the end. 

The despicable man was the definition of an abuser. He had preyed on Eren who was vulnerable and in no position to fight back, but when he actually met opposition in the form of Captain Levi and Squad Leader Hanji, he didn't stand a chance. 

When the two of them had walked down to the dungeon it appeared that the unruly guard was already awake and struggling angrily at his chains. He had been shouting unintelligibly what were obviously threats and insults at Mike and Uluo who paid him no mind. 

At first he had maintained his air of superiority and bravado. He had laughed when he'd seen Levi and Hanji walk in. He was obviously an idiot as if he had seen the looks on their faces he would have started talking instead of mocking them. 

He had laughed at them and the Survey Corps but when he started in on Eren...

"I'm here because of that monster aren't I?" He had said, still with that insufferable smirk on his face, "I didn't know the Scouts were so desperate for used goods." 

"He's such a young, pretty little thing though." He kept digging where he shouldn't have "Never in my life thought I'd get to have something as pretty as 'im. But I have you know. We all have. So many times." He smiled cruelly at the disgusted looks on Levi and Hanji's faces. 

Levi had punched him square in the face with no warning. The man was easily taller and wider than the Captain, but his head snapped back with such force that the chair he was shackled to as well fell backwards onto the floor. Levi reached forward and with one hand dragged their prisoner back up, chair and all, by the hair. 

" _Give us names._ " Levi growled out. His voice was deadly and dripping with promise. "We already know yours, Nicolas Callahan. Give us the others." 

Nicolas' eyes flashed with anger at being punched after he recovered from the hit. "You fucking shit! Nile Dok will hear about this! I ain't telling you shit." 

Levi sighed. "Alright, Nic, we can be here all night and tomorrow too. You can tell us what we want to know, or I can let Hanji cut you up a little and see if that makes you a bit more willing to talk." He looked over meaningfully toward Hanji who was unpacking a bag filled with different tools. Most of them were sharp or pointy and looked like they could do a lot of damage to a human body. 

The guard's eyes widened slightly in fear but his pride wouldn't let him take the easy way out. 

"Fuck. You." He spat out in defiance. 

"I was actually kind of hoping you'd say that. Hanji, if you would, let me get us started." Levi held out his hand and in it Hanji placed a long sharp knife. And in one quick motion, he had cut off the guard's left pinky finger. The man screamed and howled in pain and shock. 

"Hmm you're bleeding a lot. And while it's not too much now, we don't want the fun to end too soon right?" Hanji handed him a piece of metal that she had been heating up over a torch she had found on the wall. He didn't even need to look at her to see what she was handing him. They really did make a great team sometimes. 

Levi pressed the heated metal against the man's wound to cauterize it and prevent him from bleeding out. The smell of burning flesh filled the air and his screams increased as did the pain. 

Levi said nothing for several minutes. He stared at the man with his normal, bored expression. Nicolas panting heavily and looked like he was ready to rip through his chains in anger. 

"Fuck you! Why do you want to know about that stupid little slut anyway?" The guard ground out with angry narrowed eyes. The pain radiating from his hand making him vicious. "Like I said he's damaged goods. Anything you can do to me, they've already done to him tenfold and then sent his cute little ass back to us to be passed around as we please. You wouldn't be getting back a titan, you'd just getting back a used whore." He smiled wickedly and flicked his gaze between Levi and Hanji, "unless that's what you want him for anyway... then I'm sure we could arrange something." 

As that awful man spoke, Levi had to use every bit of self control he had not to reach forward and rip out his disgusting tongue so that he would stop saying such despicable things about Eren. He could tell by the aborted movement just beside him that Hanji was thinking the same thing. He locked eyes with her and saw that she was absolutely furious. 

"Alright then. If that's how it's going to be..." Something cold slammed shut behind Levi's eyes, "Hanji, I'll let you have him for a bit then." Levi stood up and brushed off his pants handing the knife and metal piece back to Hanji. 

Hanji was smiling in a way that would have truly terrified a lesser man as she walked past him. 

"It would be my pleasure, Levi." She said in an almost sadistic voice. "This piece of shit needs to understand that in the Survey Corp we take care of our own." And it was true, they all had seen Eren as a member of the Survey Corp since the night Levi and Erwin had visited him in his cell. Hanji had been looking forward to getting to know the sweet boy that she had led from his cell to the courtroom. And then those military police bastards had stolen him away. 

It was a couple hours later when finally they had several other names. Including a first hand witness of the crimes committed by Nile Dok against Eren Jaeger. 

Nicolas Callahan was covered in his own blood at the end. His throat was sore from screaming and half of his teeth had been removed. He was missing his right hand and half of the fingers on his left. He was covered in his own piss and vomit and had since passed out from the pain.  His body was littered with gashes that had been cauterized to prevent him from dying. And in what Levi considered a personal stroke of genius, he was sure to be feeling quite a bit different between the legs. 

They had made sure that he would never be able to rape anyone ever again. 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nile and the Military Police are feeling the pressure after meeting with Zackly and the Survey Corp knowing that their time with Eren is limited.  
> Levi and Erwin know that Nile won't play fair, so they set into action a plan to rescue Eren before anything can happen to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Thank you sosoososososososososoosoooo much for all of the response! I can't tell you how happy it makes me. It's so encouraging to receive your comments and I love hearing what you're thinking about the story. I get super motivated to write more when I read a comment! Gets me fired up! XD XD 
> 
> Please read the notes at the end~ and as always thank you sosososososoososooooo much for your support

 

**Eren POV**

The door to his cell opened and Eren flinched automatically.

"Shh... it's just me, my child." The relief that Eren felt upon hearing Beth's kind voice was so sudden and immense, he nearly felt light headed from it. He couldn't help the tears that burned at the corners of his eyes. The slightest bit of kindness in the face of such cruelty was overwhelming. The contrast was as sharp as a slap but he was so grateful for Beth nonetheless. She had provided him with a powerful, albeit, short and inconstant reprieve and for that he knew that he was forever in her debt.

Eren was unsure why but it seemed that the last few visits from the guards and to the labs were particularly brutal and he desperately hoped that it wasn't becoming the new normal. The scientists had been more rapid and extreme with their experimentation. He shuddered at the memory of his last visit where they had cut off both his left hand and his right foot at the same time. He had screamed and screamed and begged for unconsciousness to take him, yet they had mercilessly kept him awake through it all. They merely ignored him and wrote all the more frantically in their notebooks. Eren felt his breathing increase in panic as he remembered that visit and he forced himself to focus on the feel of Beth's gentle fingers carding through his hair. He let her soft touches ground him as his breathing evened.

Eren felt so much clearer and more lucid when he was with Beth. She made him feel human. Her kindness and warmth kept him tied to himself and humanity. Some nights she had visited and his eyes had been wide and still seeing the horrors he had faced. It was those nights when he could still feel the scalpels cutting him to his bone. When he could still feel greedy hands groping at every part of him... could still feel the way the ripped him apart in his most intimate places. The nights that they played with him before taking him and forced unwanted pleasure onto his body... when he had cried and begged and they'd laughed and forced him to come and he hated himself all that much more...

Beth would somehow pull him back from whatever dark place was threatening to take him. She would clean the filth and disgusting fluids from his skin and make him feel a little cleaner. She would hold him gently and stroke his hair and tell him that it wasn't his fault, that he didn't deserve any of this. She would say that he was so strong and good. Eren knew that none of it was true but the fact that she was saying it made him feel bettere somehow. She would press her lips in a ghost of a kiss to his forehead and the gesture was so kind he wished with his whole heart that he could be deserving of it. He would cry and cry and cry and she would pull him close and whisper his name in his ear ( _Eren, Eren, Eren, sweet child)_ over and over again so that he wouldn't forget who he was. 

So right now as he sat beside Beth and she held his hand and stroked his hair, Eren felt as if he had taken a breath of fresh air. His mind was less fuzzy as his brain realized that around Beth he didn't have to put up so many mental defenses as she wouldn't hurt him. He took advantage of that to really consider the most recent events. 

The most obvious difference was that his personal guard-- the cruel shadow that had always seemed to be present-- had been replaced by another guard. This guard, while he did not spare Eren from using his body, he was not as needlessly cruel as his predecessor had been. 

They passed the time as they normally did. He asked Beth to tell him the same stories he'd already heard about her daughter and her family. And as always she asked him to tell her about his most precious people. And as always he obliged. There was something about telling Beth about them that comforted him, assured him that they were real and what he felt for them was real and possible. He told Beth about how he wished she could meet Armin and Mikasa and how they would adore her because he adored her. He told her again of Captain Levi and of his childish dreams to serve under him as a member of the Survey Corps. 

He told of her of his friends from the 104th.

He told her about the time he had made Sasha a fruit cobbler, he had always been a mama's boy and she taught him well. She had gotten scolded again by Sadis and he had wanted to cheer her up. He had had to make Mikasa one as well so she didn't get jealous. He almost smiled at the memory of how Sasha's eyes had nearly filled with tears as he gave her the dessert and how she had clung to him and jokingly begged him to become her wife to which Mikasa had protested vehemently. 

He told her about Connie and how they'd developed the weird tradition of cutting their hair together. How it had started with Eren being around when Connie was perfecting his trademark close cut and was having trouble reaching the part in the back of his head, and Eren had finished it off for him. After that they'd always sought each other out when their hair was getting too long until it became a thing.

He told her about sweet Krista and Ymir who were always together and would sometimes play cards with him when they had had down time. He remembered that one time when Ymir had winked at him over her cards and looked toward Krista playfully, a gesture that still left Eren a little bit in awe. The two of them had ganged up on Krista to get her out so that Ymir could tease her and see her blushing. Krista had glared playfully at them while Ymir overwhelmed her with hugs.

He told her about Jean as well. He told her that he had always joked and said that Jean looked like a horse and how they had this unspoken agreement of friendship. How their fighting had somehow transformed to something of a greeting and that they would never have said anything actually hurtful to each other now. Thinking of Jean sobered Eren slightly. 

In a slightly troubled voice, Eren recounted how he had imagined Jean coming to him and the tears on his face as he had promised Eren they were coming for him. Eren remembered how badly that dream or hallucination had hurt. How the hopefulness of it all had left him feeling empty. How real it had felt had been disturbing as well. 

When Eren looked back up into Beth's eyes she had such a soft expression on her face. There was something in her eyes that he hadn't seen before he'd told her about his dream about Jean. 

"Have hope, my boy." She said softly and something fluttered in Eren's stomach. 

With something akin to horrified amazement he realized what that feeling inside of him was--

What that look in Beth's eyes was--

It was _hope._

* * *

The door burst open suddenly and Nile Dok and three of his men rushed into the room. The black haired man looked a mess, with disheveled hair and wide frantic eyes. 

"Get out you stupid bitch!" He snarled and in a split second he had crossed the room and was wrenching Beth to her feet. Beth gasped out in pain as he grabbed her and threw her toward the guards who shoved her roughly onto the floor just outside the door. The sound of her body hitting the cold stone floor filled Eren with a terror that he had not felt in a while. 

"No! Don't fucking touch her!" Eren forced himself to sit up and a shadow of his old self flickered angrily behind his eyes. 

Nile turned toward him and Eren could see the rage on the other man's face and in the rigid way he held himself. 

He stalked closer to his captive and backhanded him so hard that the boy, in his weakened state, tumbled from the bed onto the floor. 

He had barely hit the ground before Eren felt himself being jerked upward by the thin fabric of the rags that made up his shirt. He was then slammed against the wall with enough force to knock the breath from his lungs. Eren reached up weakly to grab at Nile's strong wrist that was fisted into his shirt. Nile forced a knee between Eren's trembling legs and pushed himself closer into his space. 

"Hmmm... you're getting cocky all of a sudden? You think that just because Erwin and his little gang got a little overconfident and are trying to play hero that you can start talking back?" Eren flinched at Nile's tone and the heat of his foul breath. He had exactly no idea what the crazed man was raving about but that didn't make it any less scary. 

"Don't forget your fucking place, pet. Every part of you belongs to me." Nile reached around the trapped boy to grab roughly at his ass to emphasize his point. The way Eren whimpered softly but made no move against him gave Nile enough of a power trip to calm his frantic rage a little. 

"Those fucking idiots think they can take you from here? The Survey Corps think they're better than us?!?! Well they're fucking wrong. We're moving you tonight where they'll never find you. And then I'm going to fucking remind you who you belong to and that this is all you're good for." With that Nile grabbed Eren through the front of his pants palming him roughly. The boy could only wince at the treatment. 

Nile's eyes narrowed cruelly as he continued to grope him, "And for your previous display of disobedience, I'm going to kill that crazy old bitch and I'm going to make you watch." 

Eren's eyes widened in terror and he began to struggle against his captor. Tears welled up in his eyes as he grasped at Nile's hold, but he had just been too long without adequate nourishment and his body was much too weak to actually fight back. 

"No, no, no. Please don't! Don't hurt Beth. Please!" Eren cried weakly, "Please, I'll do anything! I-I'll be good, I promise!" As the boy pleaded desperately Nile's wicked smile only grew. It had been a while since he had heard Eren beg and it was like music to his ears. 

"You'll do anything?" Nile asked mockingly. He watched with growing satisfaction as Eren stilled and averted his gaze but nodded jerkily. 

"Yes Sir." He whispered softly.

"Well that's just too bad, isn't it? Because I can do whatever I want to you anyway. And right now I want to teach you a lesson." Nile laughed cruelly again and motioned to one of his men to retrieve Beth from outside. 

Fear engulfed Eren's heart. No. He couldn't lose Beth. She was the only thing keeping him alive right now. She had shown him light in a place that he thought there was only darkness. She took care of him even though he was a monster and she didn't have to. She was going to die and it was going to be his fault. It was going to be all his fault. He cried openly and resumed his struggles though they were much weaker than before as he had no energy. 

All he could do hear in his head were those words that had haunted him for years. 

_"You couldn't save her because you were weak."_

It couldn't be happening again. It was all his fault. He was so sorry. He was so so sorry. 

"What is taking you fools so long?" Nile called out looking over his shoulder. That's when he noticed his men were no longer there though the door to the cell was open. 

"What--" 

A fist collided with Nile's jaw so hard his head was sent snapping to the right. The man instantly let go of Eren and crumpled to his knees on the floor. 

Eren's mind was reeling in shock and fear. Was this a dream? Where was Beth? Was Beth okay? 

There was Captain Levi standing over Nile looking outraged. This has to be a dream. This isn't real is it? Eren's mind couldn't process the idea of Levi Ackermann... his  _hero_ standing in front of him in this horrible place. 

Eren could only clutch at the wall as he watched Levi grab Nile by the front of his shirt. "You. Disgusting. Sack. Of. Shit!" Levi punctuated each word with a strong punch to Nile's face, the other man long since having fallen unconscious. 

When Eren felt Levi turn his gaze toward him, his breath caught in his throat. His grey eyes were sharp and... concerned. He shuddered under the full attention of Humanity's Strongest and stumbled forward as his knees gave out. He was so confused. What was happening? Why? 

This couldn't be real. Where is Beth? Was she okay? 

He could feel the darkness eating at the corners of his eyes as he fought for consciousness. He felt completely disconnected from everything as the confusion was just too great. He didn't make any attempt at all to stop himself from falling. 

In fact, he didn't even realize that he didn't land. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Eren is finally getting rescued!!! I'm so sorry I'm absolute shit at ending chapters 
> 
> Also I included some snippets of memories that Eren had with some of the members of the 104th to show how they were close and they'll be a very important part of Eren's recovery as well. Family, friendship and romance :D


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of rescuing Eren

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is a bit short!  
> Adding the next part just didn't seem to flow well. The next chapter will definitely be longer!

**Levi's POV**

They had silently knocked the guards unconscious and were checking to make sure the rest of the area was clear. Hanji led a group of scouts to incapacitate anyone nearby and to locate and retrieve the Military Police's research they'd gathered from Eren. Levi and his team were standing guard around the dungeon. 

After confirmation that they were clear, Levi had entered Eren's cell and instantly his eyes were drawn to Eren who was being pinned against the wall by Nile. Levi could see the terror and the pain in Eren's big green eyes and his anger flamed to life at the man who had put that look there. Levi's eyes then traveled down to where Nile had slipped his hand down the captive boy's pants and was roughly groping him against his will. 

At that sight Levi had seen red and without thinking he had punched Nile as hard as he could. He had hit him over and over again and he, without a doubt, wanted to kill this man. More than that, he wanted to make this man suffer... to feel even the fraction of the pain he had put this boy through. He wanted to punish him for extinguishing that fire that had burned so brightly in that boy. He wanted to end him... and he might have,  but that was when he heard Eren's shackles scrapping against the wall as he struggled to find purchase on the stone. 

The mere thought of the boy somehow calmed him which was incredible in itself. When Levi was in such a rage, usually there was absolutely nothing that could calm him down. He looked into those wide, emerald eyes and exhaled sharply as the red left his vision just as suddenly as it had come. 

Levi rushed forward to catch Eren as he fell and unlocked his shackles with the keys he had swiped off of one of the guards. 

After removing his restraints he gently lifted Eren into his arms. One of his strong arms supporting the boy's shoulder and the other under his knees. Levi frowned as he realized that the bundle in his arms was much too thin and light. Was there any way in which this poor boy hadn't been severely mistreated? 

Surprisingly enough though, despite his incredibly weakened state, Eren appeared to still be awake though he was shaking with exertion as he tried to speak. 

"Beth..." he whispered, "Where is Beth?" 

_Levi remembered the elderly woman who they had found lying outside of Eren's cell. She had been in obvious pain herself but her face had brightened upon recognizing Levi. "Please, save him." She had begged as he helped her off the floor and towards Petra who he knew would care for her. "Please save Eren." She said as she allowed herself to be guided out. Levi felt nailed to the floor by the look in her eyes. He could see that this woman was someone who cared deeply for Eren and how desperately she wanted the boy to be saved. "I will, ma'am." Levi assured her swallowing thickly at the look of peace that swept across her features._

"Beth is fine. She is fine, Eren." Levi replied in the most soothing voice he could. He watched in amazement as for a moment pure and utter relief spread across the boy's pretty face. Levi could feel the change in the body in his arms as Eren relaxed and allowed unconsciousness to take hold. 

It was in that moment that Levi truly though about how amazing Eren was. Any fully grown man or woman who had been through a fraction of what Eren had endured would surely have completely lost themselves. And yet, this boy had been struggling to stay conscious to hear about Beth... more concerned for her condition than for himself...

Eren was somehow still here fighting and somehow still loving and Levi was absolutely stunned by his strength.  

* * *

 

The ride back would take them at least through the night. The retrieval mission had gone pretty much without a hitch, but Levi didn't really expect that there would be much retaliation from the Military Police anyway... not for lack of trying, just for lack of competency. 

Levi rode in the carriage with Beth, Petra, Hanji and Eren. Eren was curled up on a cot with his head in Beth's lap as she stroked his hair soothingly. 

Beth, they had come to learn was a maid and caretaker around the Military Police HQ and had been tasked with cleaning and caring for Eren. She, like everyone else who lived within the walls, had heard of the child who could transform into a titan. She had told them about how Eren's actions had saved her family that lived in Trost. She was such a strong and caring woman, but she couldn't stop the tears from pouring out of her eyes when she told them about how painful it had been to see how often and how badly they had hurt Eren. But she knew that she couldn't escape with him by herself as he was constantly guarded and that if she had spoken out about it they would have removed her as his caretaker and put someone who wouldn't have cared for him in her place. 

It was obvious that she absolutely adored him and the others in the carriage could see that the feeling was mutual as Eren seemed to fold inward toward Beth and search for comfort in her presence even in his unconscious state. 

"He is the sweetest, strongest, bravest boy I've ever met... probably that ever was." Beth had said with pure adoration in her eyes and Levi believed every word she said.  "He told me all about his family and his friends from his squad. He told me about his dreams to be in the Survey Corps and serve under Captain Levi Ackerman." Here, Beth smiled, though her eyes were still watery and sad, and looked Levi in the eye. "After all of the things he endured..." Her voice broke here, "He would still ask me about my daughter and her family in Trost. When most men are put into situations where they are suffering, they begin to hate and become envious of those who are not in as much pain as they are. But Eren was never like that. He told me hearing about my daughter's family, hearing about happier people in less horrible places made him feel more connected to humanity when he was starting to lose himself in their cruelty. He didn't deserve any of this." Beth cried softly and ran her hands through Eren's hair. 

Levi and the others in the carriage were silent as they let her words soak in. There wasn't anything to say to that. Petra was crying softly from Beth's stories and wondered what the boy would be like when he woke up. 

"Beth, we had to take you from the Military Police HQ because it wouldn't be safe for you after we retrieved Eren." Levi began once he had found his voice again, "When we get back to the Survey Corps you're welcome to go wherever you please, to Trost to your family if you'd like, but we'd like to ask if you'd be willing to stay with us and be there for Eren as he recovers?" 

At this, Beth actually smiled and it met her eyes. 

"Of course I'm staying with Eren. You may be Humanity's Strongest, but I would fight you right here in this carriage if you tried to keep me away from that boy." 

Levi returned her smile with a small one of his own. 

That was exactly what he'd been hoping to hear and it calmed his anxieties just the slightest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was sososososo relieved that you guys seemed to like Beth! XD She was a bigger part of last chapter because I wanted to show how her being there for Eren has kept him still connected to his humanity and himself. That being able to talk to her about good people and about his loved ones has kept him attached to reality and to himself and humanity. 
> 
> I wanted to let you guys know that there will be more of Beth and her being there for Eren as he recovers with the Survey Corp. I can see her caring for him and helping others understand what he's been through since she witnessed the aftermath of it first hand and knows the full extent of what he's been through. 
> 
> I know people can get weird about OCs but Beth is kind of more of a tool to get a different perspective and to help the others help Eren. She's not going to be a main character or anything, definitely more of someone who helps the other characters to help Eren. I do adore her since in my head she's a very kind elderly lady but is fierce in her own way and won't be afraid to put anyone down who would mess with Eren XD.
> 
> Next Time on MMTT: More about the meeting with Zackly, Erwin has to inform Eren's fam and friends on what he's been through so that they can be there for him but don't do anything stupid to harm his recovery. So lots of reactions!! I love reactions lol.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confrontation between Levi, Erwin and Nile after meeting with Zackly. 
> 
> Erwin must brief those close to Eren about his situation and what he's been through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys sosoososoosossoo much for all the support! I read your guys' comments and then got super pumped and motivated and typed up this chapter. 
> 
> I know that last chapter was super short so I really wanted to get this posted!

**Erwin's POV**

The meeting with Zackly, several hours prior, had gone as well as could be expected. It had been messy from the get go with Nile walking in on the defensive, his shoulders hunched like a dog ready to attack. 

They had led Zackly to the private room that held their more than slightly battered witness and with one piercing look from Levi, Nicolas had sung like a bird. He recounted the monstrous crimes the Military Police had committed against Eren Jaeger. Erwin saw as Zackly's face darkened at each of the man's words. While he was famous for keeping his emotions out of cases and choosing the outcome about what would benefit the greatest number of people, not many could keep face when confronted with such accounts of brutality against a minor. 

After that the case was pretty much open and shut. In the face of such overwhelming evidence against the Military Police, Zackly had known that something had to be done. As vicarious as the situation between the common people and the Military Police was, any publicity on Eren Jaeger's treatment would no doubt cause a huge uproar. So when Commander Erwin, always sly but always capable, presented such a tidy solution, Zackly immediately accepted despite the outraged protests coming from Nile's side of the room.

"Very well, Eren Jaeger's custody shall be handed over to the Survey Corps. His direct caretaker will be Levi Ackerman who is responsible for handling him should he prove to be more titan than human."

And that should have been it. But of course it wasn't.

There had been a time when Erwin might have called Nile a friend. But it had been many, many years ago, before he had come into the position of Commander of the Military Police. The power had been too much and Nile had been too easily corrupted. He surrounded himself with the same kinds of people and became someone that Erwin no longer recognized.

Nile had come storming up to him and Levi the instant they had left Zacky's offices. There had been anger flashing in his narrowed black eyes.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Smith?" Nile demanded

Erwin could only look this stranger of a man in the eyes, "How could you abuse an innocent boy like that, Nile?" his voice filled with disappointment.

Nile reeled back with an incredulous look on his face. "An  _innocent_ boy?"  

"He's only 15 years old you piece of shit!" Levi snapped and the venom in his voice told Erwin that the other man was barely restraining himself from tearing Nile limb from limb. The blonde man placed a calming hand on Levi's shoulder to ground him even though he had half a mind to just let Levi attack the disgusting man. 

"That 'innocent boy' is nothing but a monster wrapped up in a pretty little package." Nile sneered. 

Levi growled at that but Erwin beat him to the punch, "He is the reason we are are all alive today. The reason that you get to remain isolated and safe behind the inner wall. From the short time I've been around him I can tell that he is an amazing young man. He's been forced into a situation he didn't ask for and yet he jumped forward with no thought for his own well being to serve humanity. Even if he didn't have these titan shifting abilities, I would still fight you for his custody, because you don't find that kind of dedication and purpose just anywhere, and he is exactly the kind of man that I need in the Survey Corps." Erwin said all of that in a voice that was filled with calm fury. He rarely let emotions of any type show through in his voice and even Levi looked slightly awed, but everything he said was completely true. 

After Nile recovered from the intimidating force that was Commander Erwin Smith, that insufferable smirk returned to his face. 

"Let's see how much you want him after you get him then... You're right, the boy did have quite the fire and determination when we first brought him back. Even I was impressed with his will power. He struggled and resisted so beautifully the first time I took him, and the time after that and even the time after that. But all of that stopped after a while... pretty soon after I started letting my men pass him around among themselves, if I remember correctly. You're not getting back a soldier, Commander, you're getting back a broken whore." 

This time Erwin did nothing as Levi launched forward and punched Nile square in the nose. Erwin clenched his fists and was amazed that he had never seen the amount of evil that had grown within the man before him. 

Levi had pinned Nile to the wall by the collar and a hard punch to the gut. "You disgusting sack of shit. You don't deserve to be alive. You don't deserve to even look at someone like Eren Jaeger." He growled at Nile whose face was bleeding from the nose and had his eyes screwed shut in pain. 

Erwin let Levi get in another well placed punch before he pulled him off. 

"We will be there to pick him up first thing in the morning." Erwin said coldly and began walking away with Levi in tow. 

"Erwin--" Levi started once they were away from Nile. 

"No need Levi, I know. They will no doubt try to move him and give some excuse about how he died during experimentation. We will extract him tonight. As soon as possible." 

* * *

 

Erwin had gotten word from Mike who had ridden ahead to deliver that they had extracted Eren successfully and were returning to head quarters. 

This meant that he had the most unsavory task of informing those closest to Eren of his situation and likely mental state so they would be aware of their actions around him. 

He had called for Mikasa and Armin as Eren considered them to be family and asked them who else should be informed. Mikasa had been impatient and insisted that it only be he two of them and to give them the information right then. However Armin had provided the voice of reason reminding her that they wouldn't' be able to keep the rest of the 104th away once they knew Eren was back and if they didn't know about his situation and said or did something to upset him it could be harmful for him too. 

That is how he came to have Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Connie, Sasha, Krista and Ymir in his office all looking apprehensive. Jean even more so than the rest as he knew more about Eren's time with the Military Police than the rest but had been sworn to secrecy. 

"You all were called here because you're friends of Eren Jaeger, correct?" Instant, eager nods all across the room. The majority of them did not know the situation but could feel the seriousness of it in the air. 

"Eren is currently being transported back here to the Survey Corps' HQ," at the looks of relief and excitement Erwin hurried to carry on, "I'm here to inform you that we have evidence that Eren suffered a great deal of abuse during the past 16 days he was with the Military Police." 

Instantly the room was filled with horrified silence. Every one stilled instantly upon hearing Erwin's revelation not wanting to imagine their determined, bright eyed friend being hurt by these nameless, faceless Military Police bastards. 

The silence was broken by something like a furious cry that came half strangled out of Jean's mouth. The tears no longer came and instead had turned into an intense anger toward those that had hurt Eren. The teammates all sent shocked expressions toward the blonde boy who refused to meet anyone's eyes. The effect was instant as fear filled the room. If Jean was this distraught over what he had seen happening to Eren, then whatever they were picturing in their minds was nothing compared to what had really happened. 

Erwin sighed and wished that there was an easier way to put it, but he could see that waiting was tearing these kids apart. 

"I'm sorry, there is no better way to put this. We believe that Eren has been subjected to physical torture in the name of 'experimentation,' as well as been the victim of repeated gang rape and sexual abuse." 

Erwin could see that the words had taken the breath from the rookies in front of him like a punch to the gut. He felt it too himself. 

The newest scouts were looking up at him with such horrified and heartbroken expressions. Connie, Sasha and Krista were all crying as they learned what had happened to their friend, each of them desperately picturing his smiling face during a happier time. Ymir was stroking Krista's hair but her other hand was clenched by her side into a fist. Her eyes were closed but her mouth was held in a stiff and furious line. 

Jean looked blank but his hands were shaking in his lap. He squeezed them tightly so he did not scream in guilt and rage. 

Armin was openly sobbing and desperately trying to get Mikasa's attention. Frighteningly enough Mikasa's expression had not changed upon hearing the news. She was completely still. She didn't even seem to be breathing. 

"M-Mikasa..." Armin pleaded afraid for what Mikasas would do. 

Armin himself had instantly felt like the floor had dropped out from beneath his feet. Eren, who was his brother by everything but blood, had been taken by those monsters... They had hurt him. Armin fought with the onslaught of images that his traitorous mind was cruelly supplying - His bright eyed best friend alone and scared and wanting to be with him and Mikasa- Eren yelling and swearing in anger and fear as nameless, faceless men held him down and- and-

 _No_. Armin forced those thoughts from his mind. He needed to be there for Mikasa. Mikasa who he knew was seeing the same horrible things in her mind's eye but did not have his self control to cut them off. 

Their worst nightmare had come true. And Armin fought with everything he had to not break under the reality of it all. 

" _I am going to kill them._ " Mikasa said finally. Her voice was as flat as usually but the fury and hurt that saturated her every word were so strong they were almost physical.

Armin flinched but tightened his grip around her arm.

In that next second Mikasas was across the room nonetheless. She had pulled her arm easily from Armin's grasp. Pushed off Ymir who had rushed toward her and had enough time still to block Jean's startled attempt to intercept her.

"Mikasa, stand down." Suddenly Erwin was between Mikasa and the closed door that was her only exit. He had predicted the girl's reaction and had been ready to move to stop her.

Mikasa's eyes were absolutely glowering as she looked around frantically for an alternative exit.

"You expect me to sit here and do nothing?! I want to kill those foul creatures. They deserve to suffer for what they did to my brother." Her voice was low, dangerous and filled with grief.

"No I don't expect that. I expect you to pull yourself together. No matter how much they might deserve whatever you would do to them, I expect you to put aside what you want and be there for Eren when he returns. He will need you here. Not off satisfying your bloodlust. That won't take back what was done to him." Erwin's voice was strong and absolute; the unquestionable voice of the Commander.

Mikasa flinched at the strong words and took a step back feeling the truth in what Erwin said. Armin was already by her side putting a supporting arm around her shoulders which she softened and accepted immediately.

"How could this happen to our Eren?" Mikasa asked Armin softly knowing that he didn't have the answer. Connie and Sasha cried harder clutching onto each other as the vulnerability they'd never heard before in Mikasa's voice brought everyone back to the reality of the situation. 

"We were... I was... I was supposed to protect him... always..." Mikasa muttered brokenly as Armin pulled her into his arms. Tears were now openly pouring down both of their cheeks though neither seemed to notice or care. 

The other members of the 104th looked onto the heartwrenching scene solemnly. Everyone knew about the incredible bond between the Shiganshina trio and while their own hearts were breaking for Eren, their teammate and friend they had all come to adore, they couldn't possible imagine what Armin and Mikasa were feeling. 

"I know Mika." Armin whispered and buried his own tear-stained face into her dark hair. 

"We were supposed to protect him like we always have- like he's always protected us. But we didn't this time..." Armin cupped Mikasa's face and pressed their foreheads together, "But you and I both know that he isn't going to see it that way. He isn't going to see that it was us who failed him. You know that Eren is going to blame himself- that when he comes back to us he's going to think that this is all his fault.

I want to rip those bastards to pieces for hurting him too, you know I do, but we have to push down what we want and how guilty we feel to be there for him. We have to be strong for him, okay Mika, he's going to need us." With that Armin kissed the top of Mikasa's head and felt her nod slowly beneath him as she took his words to heart. 

The other occupants in the room looked on in silence at what felt like a very private moment they were intruding on. Yet somehow Armin's words seemed to be just what everyone needed to hear. They were not the ones who had to go through such a horrible ordeal- no, it was Eren who had suffered so. And he had been there for each and every one of them in their times of need and they had to get it together to be there for him. 

Erwin watched with amazement as the teenagers before his eyes wiped their tears and set their shoulders. A determination that made his heart soar with pride despite the situation that called for their strength. 

From the moment he had met Eren Jaeger, he knew he would be proud to have him as a soldier in the Survey Corps. It was in that moment that he realized that Eren truly had kept like company. His troubled heart was eased slightly knowing that Eren would have people who cared for him so deeply and were so strong there to support him. 

This was the humanity for which he fought. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a lot of headcannons and stuff that get applied directly to this story so I'm sorry if any of the characters seemed OOC. 
> 
> I also apologize for that god awful ending. I dont know what's wrong with me. I can't tie things together for shit I know.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Armin and Mikasa remained in their own world finding comfort from themselves, the other members of the 104th couldn't help but draw up memories of their green eyed, messy haired friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize that this might seem like a bit of a filler chapter but it's really not!!! I really wanted to establish some background on the individual relationships that the members of the 104th have with Eren. To really flesh out what Eren means to each of them.
> 
> I wanted you guys to be able to see that they all are really close and that Eren holds a really special place in each of their hearts. This is to show why they are all so protective and heartbroken by what Eren has been through. 
> 
> ALSO!!! I am an idiot and totally forgot to mention earlier that as part of this AU Reiner and Bertl are sadly not in the scouts. BUT they will probably appear later in the story as a pretty large plot point that I have sort of planned out. 
> 
> Slight warning for mentions of suicidal thoughts

While Armin and Mikasa remained in their own world finding comfort from themselves, the other members of the 104th couldn't help but draw up memories of their green eyed, messy haired friend. 

Sasha and Connie exchanged a look before each closing their eyes knowing that the other was thinking about the same thing.  

_Whenever one of them or both of them was homesick they would seek out Eren. It would only take a look from either Connie or Sasha's eyes and the brown haired boy instantly knew what was wrong and would stop whatever he was doing. Together, the three of them would go to the kitchen and Eren would somehow whip up a delicious comforting meal from the military grade rations._

_Connie and Sasha both loved to talk and talk with each other, and they were best friends but there was a way that Eren listened that neither of them could really provide for the other. He would sit with them as they ate and ask about all the things that reminded them of home. No matter how many times he'd heard stories from their home villages, he always listened as intently as if it were his first time hearing them._

_They would smile and joke and every minute they spent with Eren and accepted his quiet comfort and steady support, the more the aching for their homes would cease. The memories that would send them toiling in longing and despair, suddenly were as light as the air and pleasant to recount. They had spent long nights filling the empty kitchens with laughter until someone came and chased them out and those were truly some of the happiest memories either of them had ever made._

_Both Connie and Sasha knew that they appeared a bit strange to the other trainees and had ended up clinging onto one another in the process of transitioning to their new lifestyle. They had figured they would be on the sidelines when it came to the other trainees and their relationships. But with Eren, he always found a way to make them both feel included. Out of nowhere during training he'd catch Connie's eye and reference an inside joke which had them both clutching their sides in laughter. Or he'd break away from the others during their free time to teach Sasha one of the many delicious recipes his mother had taught him growing up._

_At the beginning of their trainee period they both had a lot of trouble adjusting but it was because of Eren that the process had become so much easier and less daunting and for that they were truly grateful and so proud to be able to call the other boy their friend._

Almost at the same time, since Sasha and Connie were always on the same wavelength, they locked eyes and nodded. This time they would be there for Eren like he had been for them. 

* * *

_It had been the first night since she had begun training to be a soldier that_ that feeling _had returned. She had climbed to the highest roof she could find and entertained the thought of stepping both feet off the edge and ending it all._

_She had wanted a meaningful death... but sometimes waiting around for it seemed to be too much._

_As she stepped onto the roof she was startled to see Eren already sitting on the edge looking out over the empty night. As he heard her entrance he glanced back at her. Krista would never forget the way his bright green eyes had stood out against the blackness that surrounded them and the way that he seemed to look right into her._

_Eren hadn't seemed surprised to see her. He merely tilted his head and gave her a small, almost sad smile and patted the space next to him._

_Krista suddenly felt out very out of place and slightly embarrassed but she warily settled down into the spot beside him nonetheless._

_It was then that the wind smacked into her face as cold and sharp as a slap and she looked down and realized that she was a lot higher up than she had expected. Suddenly being so close to the edge was terrifying._

_"I come up here sometimes to remind myself why I didn't do it." Eren's voice broke softly through the whistling of the wind._

_She looked over at the boy next to her and couldn't help but be amazed by the sight. The moonlight illuminated his face and made the green in his eyes shine like gemstones. The wind rustled the strands of his already messy hair and had caused the tip of his nose and cheeks to flush slightly from the chill. He was absolutely beautiful._

_In a bit of a daze she wondered if he was an angel that had been sent to stop her._

_But then he was looking at her with those eyes that she couldn't hide anything from and she realized that he was just Eren. Eren whose words suddenly clicked into her mind and she knew with a certainty that she couldn't explain, that he_  understood.

_"I feel so empty." She confessed looking into his kind eyes._

_"I know. You need something to fight for." He said simply, "You already have something to fight for, don't you?"_

_Immediately Krista could see Ymir's face in her mind and that little smile of hers that only she was allowed to see. She thought of her low, comforting voice that made her feel safe and the way her arms felt like home._

_Krista gasped at the force of the images in her mind and tears leaked down her cheeks in horror at what she had considered doing._

_Eren said nothing but shrugged off his jacket and pulled it around her shoulders as he waited for her tears to subside._

_"Hold onto that reason and keep fighting for it." Eren's voice was by far the warmest thing for miles, "Hold onto your reason and let it teach you about all the other reasons there are to keep living and fighting. Collect those reasons and let them remind you that you are strong._

_That feeling that brought you up here. It'll come back. But with time, it won't be as strong or as often as you continue to fight. But it's impossible to win every fight. So if you find yourself losing, come find me, Krista, and I'll be with you while you remember why you're fighting."_

_Eren's words were simple and yet they were everything she needed to hear. It was just an offer, completely undemanding and selfless in nature and Krista clung to it like a lifeline._

_"You're not alone." And that was it. The final thing she needed to hear. She knew it. She knew that she had Ymir and all her love but sometimes she needed to hear it. And here she was on top of this roof and she wasn't alone, Eren was here, looking at her with a patience and understanding she hadn't expected from him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and cried into his shoulder._

_Around Ymir, though she didn't know it, she could be Historia. She could be herself. And now here was Eren who had looked into her for just a second and seen Historia and told her "you're not alone."_

Krista wiped her eyes and squeezed Ymir's hand with a new determination in her eyes. She had never told him even though they had met several more times like that on the roof, but she had found that Eren was someone worth fighting for as well. 

* * *

Ymir held Krista's hand as she saw her beloved's determination on her face. The fire that burned in the small blonde's eyes reminded her so much of Eren. Ymir's heart ached at the thought of him as she allowed herself to remember Eren's kind words and his brilliant smile. 

_"Eren" Ymir watched as the boy she had addressed blinked up at her. Eren had been seated on the floor of the kitchens with a huge bowl in between his legs. When she had approached him he had been in the middle of aggressively scrubbing it clean. He worked away at it with such vigor he had even started to break a sweat. That boy really didn't understand the meaning of half-assing anything._

_"What's up Ymir?" Eren's big green eyes stared up at her in mild confusion._

_She took a quick glance around to ensure that they were alone before pulling up one of the kitchen stools and sitting beside him._

_"Krista told me about what you did for her that night, a few months after we had become trainees here, and what you've continued to do since then."_

_Eren said nothing and waited for her to continue._

_"A part of me could tell that she was always looking for an out. But the part of me that has been alone for so long, the part of me that loves Krista more than anything, refused to acknowledge it." Ymir sighed and focused her gaze just above Eren's mop of messy brown hair so that she didn't have to look him in the eyes. Her voice was low but faltered slightly, almost as if it was unused to the gentleness of her town and the vulnerability of her words._

_"She is... everything to me. My source of warmth in this cold place. It is because of her that I am able to know what it is to love and be loved by another._

_We are kindred spirits in a way, Krista and I. We're both from places that never wanted us, really. I took my name and nothing else and I never looked back. I wandered with no aim and survived for no reason, until I saw her. I knew that she was everything I was missing. But my Krista is still wandering sometimes, looking for that last bit to bring her peace._

_I hadn't seen it, because I didn't want to, but you saw it. Whatever you did or said, you saved her and for that you have saved us both and I needed to thank you." Ymir's voice broke toward the end as she imagined a world where Eren had not been there to stop the only light in her life from extinguishing itself. She thought back to that time where she had wandered the Earth, alive, but not living. That time before Krista... and her heart clenched painfully in her chest._

_"I didn't save her." Eren broke the silence and thus pulled her from her less than pleasant memories._

_"Krista is strong. She saved herself. She is still fighting, and she won't give up." He finished simply._

_Ymir felt a warmth in her chest directed at the boy kneeling in front of her. An affection that she had not felt for anyone but Krista in a long time. When she met his gaze, she saw that Eren was directing a small but sweet smile in her direction._

_The warmth in her chest broadened and spread throughout her body as she returned his gaze with a soft look in her eyes._

_She wasn't exactly sure what it was but there was something so gentle and kind about Eren that she was realizing was easily missed by people who only saw the angry fire in his eyes. Yet he also held a darkness within him that was only born in those who had known great suffering-- the same darkness that Krista held behind her smiles and Ymir herself hid behind her indifferent facade._

_"She's told me multiple times, that it's you and your love that gives her strength." Eren said thoughtfully._

_Ymir's eyes instantly filled with the force of the gift that Eren had given her with that knowledge. The boy before her smiled and looked away to give her a moment to collect herself._

_Once Ymir blinked back the tears in her eyes, she leaned forward to ruffle Eren's hair with a playfulness she usually only reserved for Krista._

_"Thank you, Eren." She said and with every fiber of her being she meant it._

_This time, when Eren turned his dazzling smile on her, she knew without a doubt that he had wormed his way into her heart._

Since that day, Ymir had found that her fondness for Eren had only grown. She teased and doted on him almost as much as she did Krista and she had been surprised that he had become such an important person to her. She would never forget the kindness he had showed her that day. 

With a look into her Krista's eyes, Ymir squared her shoulders. They were on the same page. She would do whatever was necessary to see that bright, pretty smile on Eren's face again. 

* * *

_"Stop yelling horse face! I get you miss your mom but don't take it out on me!" Eren had whined, tired and irritated as he started to get ready for bed._

_There were all tired after that day's training and Jean had been increasingly more and more homesick. His patience was nonexistent and fighting with Eren was such an easy distraction. So he had picked a fight with the other boy as soon as they had walked into the barracks. The other boys around them groaned in resignation as Jean had started in on Eren and instantly ignited the green eyed trainee's infamous temper._

_What Jean hadn't expected was for Eren to have seen through him within the first few seconds of their argument. It pissed him off even more that that bastard knew exactly why he was in such a sour mood._

_"Shut up Jeager, you're just jealous I still have a mother."_

_The instant the words left his mouth he felt awful. All of the frustration and homesickness he'd felt instantly disappeared and he was left with just the horror of what he'd said out of his own hurt._

_The silence was instant and deafening as shocked and apprehensive trainees looked between the two of them, worried about Eren's reaction. Evereyone knew about how Eren, Mikasa and Armin were from Shiganshina and that the fall of the wall had left them orphans, but the topic had always remained unspoken._

_Jean saw the look of hurt that crossed over Eren's face and instantly he was sorry. Eren could be incredibly annoying at times, but he didn't deserve that._

_Jean waited for the sadness in Eren's big expressive eyes to turn to fury. He hoped the shorter boy would punch him, that had been a really shitty thing to say after all._

_But the anger didn't come to everyone's surprise. Those big green eyes filled with hurt just kept looking back at him._

_Jean turned on his heel and ran from the room, feeling like a complete asshole. He just had to get out of that room and away from Eren's eyes which spoke of a sadness that he couldn't understand._

_He had no idea how long he sat there, leaning against the wall in some hallway, just breathing. He needed to go apologize to Eren but the thought of trying made him nearly weak with nerves._

_"Jean" a voice alled to him softly and he looked up to see Eren standing there with a concerned expression on his face._

_Jean was confused. Why wasn't Eren beating the shit out of him?_

_"E-Eren?" He asked in surprise._

_Eren sighed and sank down next to him surprisingly close._

_"I know you didn't mean what you said. I could see it on your face as soon as you did." Eren said after a moment. His voice was calm and simple as if he was just stating facts._

_"After you ran off, I was mad at first, because I'm me." Eren let out a small self-deprecating laugh and Jean stared at him in awe. This was a completely different side to Eren that he'd never seen- never even imagined before. The brunette was just always so intense, righteous and loud. But here he was being gentle and kind and Jean wondered if maybe this is how he really was, but he'd never taken the time to get to know him- he'd always just dismissed him as an annoying suicidal bastard._

_"You know, I think we're pretty similar in some ways. I'd rather pick a fight than deal with what I'm feeling too. I could tell you were homesick, I saw it in your eyes while we were training today, and you were distracted all day as well._

_Right after Shiganshina, I was really horrible. I said shitty things to Mikasa and Armin that I didn't mean and they knew I didn't mean. But they were still shitty and they didn't deserve that. Those two really had to set me straight back then. Especially Mikasa." Eren winced lightly at the memory, but he still wore a small, fond smile on his face._

_"I know you're missing home and you spoke out of hurt. I was lucky to have Mikasa and Armin to help me through it though, but since you don't... I wanted to make sure you were okay."_

_The look Eren fixed on him was pure, unmasked concern and Jean felt himself shake slightly at the sight._

_It was in that moment when he felt the understanding and sincerity of Eren's words that he knew he had misjudged the other boy. This boy who knew what real terror and real loss felt like, was truly worried about him, some homesick kid who had taken his poor mood out on him._

_He had chosen to dislike Eren from the moment he'd met him. He'd been jealous of him for having such loyal friends and such strong convictions. He had envied his determination and the way he seemed to draw others to him like moths to a flame. It had been easier to hate him and dismiss him as loud and naive._

_But in this moment he knew that Eren was anything but naive. He realized that he was kind and caring. He was loud because of how much he cared. And that there was a reason why Mikasa, Armin and many of the other trainees proudly stood by him and called him a friend._

_"Thank you" Jean whispered miserable and bowed his head slightly in shame._

_The smile that Eren sent him was blinding._

_"Don't thank me, horse face." Eren said lightly and pulled him into a half armed hug. Jean returned the embrace without thinking. The lightness in the air said something had changed between them._

_"You're not so bad, Jaeger" Jean smiled softly and Eren replied with a grin and a playful punch to the arm._

_"Let's go back so they don't think we've murdered each other."_

From then on Eren had come to be one of his closest friends. Their bickering had become teasing and playful, much to the relief of the other trainees. They had come to challenge and respect each other and Jean knew it was all because of that fight he had started. The one where Eren hadn't hesitated to come check on him and focused on him his endless concern and Jean had realized there was a lot more to the other boy than meets the eye. 

Eren was important to him and his heart was still breaking from what he had witnessed that night, but he knew he needed to keep it together and be there for Eren like he had been there for him. 

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone has gotten their shit together and is ready to be there for Eren like he has been there for them. 
> 
> To me Eren is someone who has always been loyal, loving, and incredibly caring. He would have to be to want to so desperately avenge his mother and protect those he cares about. He is also just so incredibly strong and will do anything to be there for people he cares about. Not many people see this sometimes when they're distracted by his explosive passion and heat of the moment words (like Jean at first). 
> 
> So also one of my Head cannons is that Eren is a very demonstrative and affection friend. He's always touched those he's close to without thinking as that is how he is. Hugs, holding hands, putting his arm around a friend's shoulder are examples of things he does without thinking. This is something that his friends are fully aware of and have come to adore about him. He also finds comfort in physical acts as well. This was shown in a lot of the scenes above and also will provide a stark contrast between before and after his time with the Military Police
> 
> \------  
> Also I just want to thank you guys so much for all of the support you've been giving this fic. It's just blown me away and I'm sosososososososooooo grateful. I've been feeling a bit down and lonely recently and reading your guys' comments has made me feel so much better! :D


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wasn't looking at any of them.
> 
> He didn't appear to notice they were there. 
> 
> But those eyes... those big, green eyes... they were unmistakably Eren's.  
> 
> And that was enough.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh thank you guys soooooososoososos much for all the support! Please continue to keep leaving comments they really motivate me and make my day!! I appreciate them sooooooo much you have no idea. <3
> 
> See after chapter notes for my thoughts over the chapter :D

Mikasa and Armin had both gasped and rushed forward falling to their knees at Eren's bedside the moment he had become visible.

Eren lay unconcious on the hospital bed. The last time they had seen him he had had golden tanned skin, and while he had always been slender, he had had lean toned muscles as well. The Eren on the bed before them was so thin and pale he looked like he might break at the slightest touch. His messy brown hair was just slightly longer and was strewn about his suddenly porcelain face. His long dark eyelashes stood out even more than usual against white skin and he looked so much like a fragile doll, it was as terrifying as it was heartbreaking. 

"Eren, Eren, Eren" Mikasa was sobbing softly into her hands, the shock of seeing her brother in such a state instantly tore down her default walls. With one arm Armin pulled Mikasa close and with the other he gripped the edge of Eren's bed. The blonde boy's shoulders were shaking with silent sobs as well. 

"Oh my god." Krista whispered in her small horrified voice. Ymir drew her into her arms even though her own hands were shaking. Connie and Sasha had instantly collapsed both into each other and the chairs beside the bed trying to comfort and find comfort in the other. 

"Oh god. oh god. Eren I'm so sorry. I- I should have- I should have-" Jean's voice was broken with guilt and he rushed forward to grab the trash bucket beside Eren's bed and emptied the contents of his stomach. Seeing Eren's face again, summoned forth the memories he had tried to push down of when he had looked into his friend's unfocused eyes and then had turned and left him. 

"Kirstein. You couldn't have gotten him out that night. You performed your duty perfectly. Eren is here today because of you." A low voice spoke suddenly and everyone simultaneously realized they weren't alone. 

Captain Levi was sitting in one of the chairs opposite of them near the head of Eren's bed. Sitting beside him was an elderly woman with greying hair and a kind, tired face. In her lap she cradled one of Eren's hands and was rubbing soothing circles into his skin. 

Jean stiffened instantly and surpressed one last cough as the Captain stood from his chair and walked around to his side.

"Do you understand, Kirstein? None of what happened to Eren is your fault. If you had lost your cool or blown your cover, Eren would still be with them and we would have no chance of getting him back. You kept your head and performed your duties both as a soldier and a friend." Levi's voice was as soft as they had ever heard it, but there was still the ever present power behind his words that showcased their truth. "He will need you again when he wakes up. All of you. Do you understand?" Levi's voice was just slightly more forceful but Jean understood. This was his way of grounding them and pushing them onward.

Jean straightened his shoulders and saluted.

"Yes sir!" Levi nodded with approval in his eyes. He then turned to the other occupants in the room.

"Hanji said that he will be out for at least the next day or two as his body was severely deprived of rest and put under extreme stress for the past couple weeks." Levi said even wincing himself as he said it. _'Extreme stress'_ was a ridiculous undetstatement and they all knew it.

With that he took his leave to meet with Erwin after seeing that Eren would be well protected with Mikasa Ackerman there and 6 other rookie soldiers.

"I'll be back later Beth." Levi said addressing the woman in the chair. His eyes softened slightly when his gazed rested on her.

To nobody's surprise at all, as soon as Levi was gone, Mikasa was instantly on her feet. A pained and distrustful look on her normally blank features.

"Who the hell are you, old woman?" She shouted rudely, her eyes zeroing in on where Beth was holding Eren's hand in her lap.

This time, to everyone's surprise, the woman's face brightened at the confrontation. She smiled widely, not looking startled in the least. The corners of her eyes crinkled in subdued delight as she looked over their confused faces.

"Mikasa, it's so good to be able to meet you. You're just as fierce and pretty as Eren says you are."

That statement definitely caused Mikasa to falter a little bit.

Beth, however, continued completely unphased. "Oh dear, and you must be Armin." Beth smiled warmly at the blonde boy next to Mikasa. He looked up with a puzzled expression.

"My name is Beth. I looked after Eren in that horrible place." Her expression turned somber, "Eren became precious to me and I hope that maybe I was able to lessen his pain, even just a little. He is such a strong boy. So brave..." Beth's voice trailed off and her eyes dulled a little as she saw something that clearly they could not.

"He told me so much about you all. You know, it was you, his friends, that gave him strength in his darkest hours."

"We should have been there for him." Jean whispered unable to stop himself. Logically he knew that he had played a crucial role in getting Eren back and that he couldn't have saved him that night, but he was unable to shake the guilt completely. 

Beth turned her warm gaze toward him. "You're Jean aren't you?" 

Jean's eyes widened in shock but he nodded nonetheless. 

"Eren said you had two toned hair, light brown eyes... and a face like a horse." Her eyes crinkled in amusement at the end. The suddenness of her statement and the fact that it was just so  _Eren_ caused a bust of laughter from one of them and it quickly spread around the room. 

As the laughter died down as quickly as it had started, they all felt a sudden heaviness as the realized how much they had just missed Eren. They had missed his loud, enthusiastic voice, his blinding smile, his infectious determination toward everything... They had just missed him. 

Beth's gaze swept over the teens before with a tender smile on her face. 

"In that wretched place, you all really were all there with him - supporting him. Every day he fought to not lose himself to the cruelty of those people, and every day he won somehow because of you, his precious friends. 

In his most painful times he drew strength from you all. Like I said before, he told me about every one of you. It's funny because I feel like I know you all somehow. 

I know you're Mikasa Ackerman. You're Eren's beloved sister who always believes in him, even when he doesn't believe in himself. He told me all kinds of stories from your childhood and how you're fierce and a bit over-protective but that he wouldn't have it any other way."

"Eren..." Mikasa whispered softly and all the tension wound so tightly in her muscles melted away as she returned to kneel by Eren's bedside and gazed at him with an expression so loving it was nearly painful to witness.

"And Armin," Beth continued turning her attention to the blonde boy beside Mikasa, "And of course Eren told me all about your childhood days. You've been a best friend and a brother to him. He said that you're the smartest person that he's ever met and he's so proud that you're his family. You're strong and brave and he always looked forward to the day when you would realize it too."

Armin looked at his best friend- his brother- and imagined him saying those things about him. Saying that he was strong and brave and capable when Eren was the strongest and the bravest of them all. A sharp pain stabbed at his chest that he knew was of the emotional kind. He cried and missed his best friend and desperately wished that he could look into Eren's sharp green eyes again.

"Krista, Eren has told me that you have the most adorable smile and that sometimes he thinks about it when things become too dark." Beth continued slowly but steadily as she knew that this was something these kids needed to hear, "He said that you're so strong in ways that you never let others see but that at your core you are so very kind. He told me that he was very grateful for your trust and friendship, and that he always kept fighting so that he would be worth of it. 

And you, you're Ymir. You know who you are and you're unapologetic and he's always been amazed by that. He said that you can come off as tough but that he's never known anyone to love as deeply as you. Eren knows you look out for him and have let him in past some of your walls and he treasures your friendship."

As Beth finished Krista's eyes instantly filled with tears once more and she looked up at Ymir and flung herself into the taller girls arms. Ymir pulled Krista close and held her just as tightly. They thought of their precious friend and wondered if they had left even a fraction of light in his life that he had in theirs. They thought about how even in that disgusting place, Eren was still able to see right through all of their facades, to their true selves and it was amazing and they missed him.

"Sasha, you're sweet and funny. He told me that you give the best hugs and that you can always make him laugh. One night he told me that he dreamed that you, him and his mother were in their old house in Shiganshina and she was teaching you both how to make her famous blueberry cobbler. He smiled when he told me about that dream and said that you had given him such a wonderful reprieve from the nightmares.

And Connie, you're funny and you brighten up a room with your presence. He said he missed your jokes and your blunt, but honest words. He told me one of your jokes, and I'm sorry but I've forgotten it, but that as the first time I'd heard Eren's laugh. He was weak, and it was barely anything, but the memory of your joking gave him some happiness in that dark place."

By the time Beth finished speaking to them, Sasha and Connie were both sobbing quietly into each other's arms. They were heartbroken and raw and nothing like their normal cheery selves as they looked over at Eren's unconscious form and pleaded silently that they'd get to see him smile again. 

"And Jean. Eren told me all about how you guys would bicker and tease each other but that you never would actually say anything to hurt each other. He sees in you a wonderful friend, in whom he can trust. He said that you, out of everyone, pushed him to be the very best that he could in every aspect. He says that you pretend to not care, but that you both know that you care a lot. He was always grateful that you were able to look past his temper and accept him as a friend despite all of that. He remembers you coming to him that night. He's half convinced it was a dream, but that your presence gave him comfort. So I don't want to hear another thing about you beating yourself up over it." Beth said firmly but there was an affectionate warmth in her eyes. 

Jean nodded dumbly as his heart strained with the force of what he'd been told. Emotions rolled over him in waves and he clutched one hand to his chest and struggled to find breath. 

He stumbled forward and collapsed to his knees at the head of Eren's bed. Before he could stop himself he grabbed Eren's other hand and pressed it to his forehead. He felt so dizzy and desperate. 

Jean wept without reserve as the guilt flooded through his body and then out into the open air before them. 

The fear that he had refused to even acknowledge suddenly felt like it was tearing itself out of his chest in an attempt to free itself. 

He had been so afraid. So afraid. That when Eren woke up he wouldn't forgive him. That he would look at him with those blank eyes that had haunted his dreams, and ask him, "how could you leave me there?" He had been so scared that Eren would look at him and say, "how could you leave me with those monsters after you saw what they did to me? You're just like them." 

The fear of that had kept him up most nights, and the others had been filled with betrayed green eyes. 

But here, Jean could feel Eren through the words of this woman. He could feel the presence of his friend, who knew him better than he knew himself, and he knew that Eren would never see it that way. He knew that Eren would forgive him, he'd probably even say something about how there wasn't anything to forgive. Jean knew that wasn't true, but he couldn't help the relief that coursed through his body. 

He clung to the fact that he had given Eren some comfort in that place. And he forced the guilt out. There wasn't room for that anymore. 

There wasn't room for guilt or self-pity anymore. Not when Eren needed him. 

* * *

 

"Eren?!" Armin's voice cried out in shock and wrenched Jean from his thoughts.

Eren wasn't supposed to be awake for at least another day or two. But it was like somehow he sensed them around him and it was pulling him from his sleep.

Everyone watched holding their breath as the pale and fragile looking boy before them slowly blinked awake.

"Everyone back up. He needs space." Beth's voice cut out through the tension in the room and was a harsh reminder that they weren't to crowd him.

They all complied but everyone's attention was still zeroed in on Eren's face. 

They watched as Eren stopped blinking and instantly found Beth. 

He wasn't looking at any of them.

He didn't appear to notice they were there. 

But those eyes... those big, green eyes... they were unmistakably Eren's.  

And that was enough.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh so Eren is finally awakening! I'm sorry about the shitty closing of the chapter but I think by now you all know I can't close chapters for shit. lol. 
> 
> This chapter has the much anticipated Mikasa and Beth meeting and I hope that I did it justice! 
> 
> I wanted for this chapter, Beth to meet all of Eren's friends who she has heard so much about from him during his time in captivity.   
> Remember how I said Beth is like more of a tool to guide the characters and emphasize things and stuff that I want to be emphasized. This is one of those times. By going through each character and telling she knows who they are and so much about them, it's telling the characters that Eren finds them so important that he was thinking of them constantly during his time being held captive. So this serves more of a strengthening between the individual bonds of Eren and his friends. This also serves to motivate each of the friends to put aside their feelings of guilt and have the strength to be there for Eren.
> 
> Jean was a bit different since he just had so much guilt over having seen Eren being hurt and not being able to do anything about it. He's had days of just being haunted by this and his last connection to Eren was seeing him broken and with dull eyes. But hearing from Beth about what Eren has told him reminds him of Eren as he knows him and shocks him into realizing that he truly really did help him by giving him that bit of comfort from his presence, and that all along he was afraid that Eren would hate him or accuse him of leaving him there. He then realizes that's his own guilt speaking and not Eren, because he knows Eren and Eren knows him and would never see it like that.   
> So Jean is able to for the most part release that fear and guilt and it'll stay with him for a long time, because that's what fear and guilt of that magnitude do, but it won't control him anymore and he'll be able to put it aside to be there for Eren. 
> 
> Ahhhh so there it is. I'm really excited to get things moving again since a lot of this chapter and the previous has been a lot of background and establishing the relationships between Eren and co.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren's awake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm so so so sorry for the delay on the chapter. I'm definitely still here! I've had pick up more shifts the past two weeks, but things should be less hectic starting now so I should have more time to write! 
> 
> Thank you sosososososoo much everyone for your continued support. It means so much to me.

"B-Beth..." Eren called out weakly as he reached up without thinking to grasp at her hand with both of his own. There was a sense of urgency in his movements, though the effort it took was obvious.

In an instant, all of her attention was completely focused on the boy in front of her. She reached out with the hand not holding onto Eren's to stroke his hair lightly and comfortingly. 

"I'm here, sweetheart." Beth said warmly as she was used to Eren waking up in various states of awareness at various levels of fear. 

Eren choked out a small sob and there were tears gathering in the corners of his eyes suddenly as his body trembled in what appeared to be relief. The brunette boy allowed himself to sink back into the bed as he squeezed onto Beth's hand. 

Everyone around the room seemed to be holding their breath as they watched the scene unfold before them. No one dared make the slightest move or sound as none of them could bring themselves to disturb Eren. Their hearts were breaking as they watched him blink the tears back from his eyes.

"I-I was so scared." Eren whispered, "I thought you... I thought he'd-- I'm so sorry." His voice broke on the apology and everyone present could hear the fear and the guilt in his voice. 

"I shouldn't have acted out. And then they hurt you and I thought they were going to kill you. But... you're okay. You're here." The boy's words were rushed and strung together in desperation as the memories of that last night in the dungeons replayed in his head. His voice was soft and scratchy from the lack of use but the words continued to force themselves past Eren's lips. 

"No, no, no, Eren." Beth said suddenly and gently cupped her free hand against the side of Eren's face and guided his gaze to her own. Her words were warm and gentle and the effect they had on grounding Eren was instantly noticeable. 

"No, my sweet boy, that was not your fault. Nothing that happened to you in that place was your fault. And yes, I'm here. I'm safe and I'm fine and I'm with you." Her reassurances seemed to be just what Eren needed as he appeared to calm slightly. 

"I don't understand." He said after a moment. "They let you stay with me?" 

Eren didn't seem to know where he was. She had been wondering if that would happen. He obviously didn't remember much after being rescued from the dungeons. He'd been unconscious most of the trip back to the Survey Corps HQ and then had been moved directly to the infirmary wing where he was now. Which explained why he had woken up in such a frantic state and had been so desperate to locate her. 

He had no idea that time had passed since he'd last seen her, knocked to the floor by one of Nile's brutes. 

Realizing the fragile nature of the situation, Beth leaned forward to kiss Eren's forehead, while simultaneously sending a look of warning to their audience.

As always, her eyes were kind, but the message was crystal clear: what came next would probably be hard to watch, but they were to suck it up for Eren's sake.

Beth then reached forward to cup Eren's face in between her hands.

"Eren, you know that I would never hurt you or lie to you, right?" She said softly, rubbing her thumb soothingly across the top of one of his cheekbones.

Eren nodded without hesitation, but a look of confusion found its way onto his face.

"I want you to remember that I'm here, and that I'm fine." Eren nodded again and this time there was pure relief in his eyes.

"Now then... Eren sweetie, do you remember anything from that night after Nile threatened me?" She kept her voice steady and calm despite hating that she had to ask her boy to try and remember anything from that disgusting place. But she knew that if he could remember being rescued himself, it would be easier to accept, than if she had simply told him herself.

Beth watched with sad eyes as Eren's expression changed to one of fear and pain. She knew that in his mind he was seeing and experiencing the events of that last night and there was nothing that she could do to change the horror of the past.

Eren's thin body began shaking and he blinked tears of fear out of his unseeing eyes.  

"Please! Don't hurt Beth. Please! I'll do anything! I-I'll be g-good, I promise!" Eren stammered weakly. His voice was not as loud as it had been that night, but the desperation was there, and every soul in that room could hear it. Horror filled the hearts of Eren's friends as they listened to him beg so brokenly wishing there was anything they could do to ease his pain. 

Beth's heart broke even further as she listened to him beg for her life. It killed her to hear the fear in his voice and how he had pleaded with that disgusting man on her behalf, but she wasn't the least bit surprised that he had. Of course her boy, who had been hurt so much more than any human being should, would still selflessly offer himself up without hesitation to bargain for a loved one's safety. 

Eren suddenly grasped at Beth's hands and looked up at her with wild eyes. His eyebrows drew together in a dazed disbelief. 

"Captain... Levi?" He whispered in shock. 

Beth released the breath she hadn't realized she was holding. That was good. He remembered on his own. 

"Yes, Eren. Shhh... come back to me, sweetie." Beth said gently in an attempt to coax Eren back to the present. "Eren honey, it's Beth. I'm safe and I'm here with you. I've got you." Moments passed but she was patient. Eventually those pretty green eyes slowly focused on her, though he still looked a bit lost, she knew that he was with her again. 

"Do you remember Captain Levi coming?" Beth asked slowly. 

"I... think so..." Eren managed as his breathing regulated. 

Beth could see Eren continue to calm down as she gently stroked his hair. She saw the focus come back to his eyes and knew that he was thinking over the hazy facts that he could remember. 

Finally, he took a breath and looked down at his hands which rested on his lap. 

"Why?" Eren couldn't help the way his voice broke on the end of that tiny word. The pure confusion and vulnerability in his voice shattered every heart in the room. It was such a tiny word, a mere three letters, but it gave those around him such gut wrenching insight. Because though the words were unspoken, everyone knew that what he was asking was, why was he saved? Why would they put that much effort into retrieving him? Why would they rescue someone who wasn't worth it? 

And of course, Beth could hear it in his voice too. With watery eyes she gently guided his chin upward so that he would look at her. 

"My precious boy, they never stopped trying to rescue you." She said simply, knowing that there was nothing she could say that would make sense to him. She just wanted him to know that he was safe now.

It was then that Mikasa let out part of a sob that she had been trying so desperately to suppress. 

Everyone froze. No one could breathe as they waited for Eren's reaction. 

Eren's eyes widened.

"Mikasa..." he whispered to himself eyebrows furrowing in confusion.  

"That sounds just like Mika..." He said and then slowly turned his gaze to the other side of the room that he had completely forgotten was even there. 

Eren's eyes widened as he took in the sight of Mikasa, Armin, and his other friends standing there all with clenched fists and wet cheeks. 

Eren opened his mouth to say something, but it got caught somewhere in his throat. He didn't understand, in that moment. He didn't know what to think. The shock was too much. He couldn't breathe. 

He couldn't breathe. 

"Eren" Mikasa whispered brokenly. 

He couldn't help as their eyes connected. He looked into his sister's pretty black eyes. The ones that had visited him in his sleep and kept him sane in his darkest hours. 

The one's he thought he'd never see again. 

It was like seeing her- seeing them-  had made it so suddenly everything was real. 

The feelings of everything that Beth had told him ripped through him like a tidal wave. He was not in that dungeon anymore. Beth was here. His friends were here. He had thought he would die in that place. He had thought they would have forgotten him. 

It was too much. 

The exhaustion that shock had prevented him from feeling returned with a sudden vengeance. 

Unable to process it anymore, Eren fell backward into the pillows behind him and let unconsciousness take him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: Beth explains more about Eren's state to everyone. 
> 
> I do have a quick question though:   
> Do you guys want to see more reactions of Eren's friends to the scene in this chapter? Or would you rather I try to keep the story moving along? I guess that's in general too.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin, Hanji and Levi go over some of the reports from the Military Police's experiments on Eren. 
> 
> Levi returns to Eren's bedside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for all your support and input! I definitely agreed that we needed some Levi!! So here's some Levi! I definitely agree with you guys too. I'm going to do my best to maintain the focus on the emotions and the bonds between the characters, but also while keeping the story moving, as things are far from over. :D

**Levi POV**

When Levi pushed the door to Erwin's office open, he hadn't been expecting to see Hanji there already.

She was usually always late, having gotten caught up in some experiment or another. But what was all the more surprising was seeing that his normally bright and enthusiastic friend seemed to be shaking in rage. There were furious tears running down Hanji's cheeks and her eyes were sharp with anger.

Upon fully entering, Levi could see Erwin's rigid form seated behind his desk. Though he was not as outwardly expressive as Hanji, Levi could tell from his clenched jaw, furrowed brow, and merciless grip on the documents in front of him that he was just as outraged.

Upon seeing Levi, both of their expressions instantly darkened and he felt something clench in his gut. The expressions that they had turned toward him had nearly knocked him back physically.

For years he had fought side by side these two. They had seen all of the most horrifying ways that a man could be destroyed and devoured by a titan. They had had to look into the grieving eyes of the families that their fallen soldiers had left behind and tell them that their sacrifices had meant something. Their closest friends had been torn limb from limb right beside them... and still-

He had never seen either of them look at him the way they were in that moment.

Levi stepped forward into their circle, attempting to ready himself for whatever they had to say. He was quiet as they both took a minute to find their voices.

"We've had a moment to begin looking through some of the experiment data that the Military Police had gathered on Eren." Erwin explained slowly. His voice was low and strained and having known him for years, Levi could hear the disgust that coated each of the man's words.

Levi instantly felt his heart drop at those words. They had known that the Military Police had intended to experiment on Eren, and they had been prepared for some awful shit, but by the looks on Erwin and Hanji's faces, they must not have prepared enough.

Levi's gaze moved over to Hanji who still seemed like she was having trouble keeping herself calm.

Finally she took a great shuddering breath and exhaled slowly. The gaze that she turned toward him was so unusually serious and somber that it instantly made his chest ache.

"We've barely even gone through half of the reports..." Hanji said, her voice barely more than a whisper.

"What they did to Eren... I've never heard of anything so... cruel and unnecessary."

Levi watched as Hanji paused and appeared to be thinking over her words. She hissed in frustration and suddenly began grabbing at the papers on Erwin's desk.

"Levi... it's just awful what they did to him... just- just listen to this-- this shit." Hanji forcefully grabbed a handful of the papers and began leafing through them angrily.

"Rate of healing amputated limbs... fuck, there's a table of contents for right arm, left arm, both arms, same for legs, all limbs...

"Notes on the effects of the following poisons on the subject... fuck, these are awful, some of these cause excruciating pain, or cause the body to slowly shut down on itself one system at a time...

"Rate of healing from 3rd degree burns... full body trials... isolated location trials...

"Regrowth rate of broken bones, regrowth rate of removed teeth...

"Effects of starvation, effects of oxygen deprivation, blood loss, dehydration..."

"Fucking disgusting, they were merciless, when he would pass out from the pain, they would wake him with oxygen. They never used any form of anesthesia. No rest between trials..."

The more Hanji read the more disgusted and infuriated she became. Her voice grew in volume and she was throwing the documents to the ground in anger and disgust as she listed off more and more of the horrible things that Eren had been subjected to.

The more he heard the more nauseous Levi felt. It was like his mind wasn't connecting with what Hanji was saying. He felt absolutely murderous and he could nearly feel it as white hot rage seemed to set his veins on fire. What Hanji was describing was more pain than an army of men should experience in their lifetime. Eren Jaeger, with his big bright eyes, had risked his life without a second thought and wanted to use his strange power to help humanity. Nobody deserved to suffer what Eren had, but Levi couldn't think of anyone who deserved it less than Eren. The injustice of it all, the hatred and bloodlust that he felt toward those Military Police fuckers, was all bubbling up and he felt like he couldn't breathe.

"I'll kill those fuckers." Levi growled out. His voice was so furious he barely recognized it himself.

Then to nobody's surprise at all, he turned on his heel and charged out the door, slamming it harshly in his wake.

* * *

 

It was hours later when Levi returned. He had stormed from Erwin's office, grabbed his 3DMG and had taken to the trees. While every bone is his body longed to go unleash his fury on those Military Police bastards, he knew that that would be the fastest way to lose Eren. So instead he did what had always provided an outlet for his emotions, he trained. Levi was always a man of action, and he knew that the only thing that would chase away the red that saturated the corners of his vision would be physical exertion.

He tried to lose himself in the twisting of his body as he effortlessly completed maneuvers that most of the Scouts couldn't even dream of attempting. He urged his body faster, faster, faster as if he could out run the thoughts of a certain brown haired boy, currently resting in the infirmary.

When he finished, he was panting and dripping with sweat, but the bite of his anger had softened. He hurried inside to take a quick bath, and return to the infirmary. He knew without bothering to wonder why, that the uneasy feeling in his gut would not disappear until he could see Eren safe and sound with his own eyes.

Upon entering, Levi saw Beth and Hanji both asleep in chairs by Eren's bedside. As he got closer he could see that neither woman was resting peacefully.

Hanji's brow was furrowed and her hands were clenched in her lap.

Levi gazed at his friend's familiar face sadly. He was much calmer than he was earlier and able to think. He knew why this was so difficult for Hanji.

Hanji was a scientist and she had dedicated her life to solving the mysteries of their dark world. She was so eager to learn that she came off as fanatical and eccentric. She had a unique set of views which she had adopted all from her own will to understand. The experiments that she conducted were very well thought out and meant to serve a higher purpose. She treated her titan subjects with as much care and respect as she would have a human, whether they deserved it or not.

And if she needed to test something on a human, she always used her self as her first test subject. And then after that, she would only accept volunteers who were well informed of the procedure and any risks involved.

Levi knew that Hanji's love of science was so pure and was rooted in a will to learn and better help humanity. He knew that his friend, while overly enthusiastic and sometimes silly, always held herself to ridiculously high standards.

That was why reading the reports of what the Military Police had done to Eren had affected her so. It had infuriated the deepest part of her, to read about how they had relentlessly tortured that 15 year old boy who had no say in the matter at all.

They had taken out their sick blood filled fantasies on Eren who could not fight back and whose body would regenerate from whatever damage they inflicted. And they had done it in the name of scientific advancement.

They had claimed that it was for humanity.

And that disgusted and angered Levi in ways that he could not even begin to describe with words, but for Hanji, it was an offense to the very core of everything that she was and everything she believed in.

He sighed and went to retrieve a blanket to toss over Hanji and Beth. He knew that Beth hadn't left Eren's side for a moment and that Hanji had surely come back to pour all her frustrations into her work and ensuring Eren's comfort and recovery. He was sure they were both exhausted.

Levi then pulled up a chair on the opposite side to look at the sleeping boy in the bed before them.

The moment he sat down and looked over at Eren's face, Levi felt fatigue hit him like he had run full force into a brick wall. All of the emotions that had been running through him the past few days had taken their toll on him.

But it was only when he was sitting there by Eren's bed, looking at his sleeping face, that he was able to relax enough to feel the full weight of his tiredness.

And while he was too tired to question it, Levi felt a strange sort of peace that seeing Eren must have caused. He watched the steady rise and fall of the boy's chest and that small movement somehow chased away some of the pressure surrounding his own heart.

Eren looked so small and breakable tucked away in all of the blankets and sheets. Levi thought about all of the horrors that he had endured and he knew that he was probably looking at the strongest person he would ever know. And yet he felt a protectiveness swell inside his chest that he'd never felt before.

To deal with the constant loss and pain that came in his line of work, he'd adopted a detached attitude toward everything. Or at least that's what he told himself. But here was Eren, his mere presence bringing forth such emotion in him without even being awake. Levi didn't understand it in the least, but he knew in that moment that he wanted to protect Eren with everything that he had. He thought about how hopeless everything had seemed before Eren led them to Humanity's first victory. He thought about those impassioned words that the green eyed boy had shouted in the courtroom that day. He thought about how he had held him in his arms and he had asked after Beth's safety without a thought of his own.

He'd barely said more than five words to the boy, but he wanted to meet him. Really meet him. He couldn't explain why but he wanted to get to know the boy in front of him. He wanted to exchange words with him in a place where he was safe and unshackled.

He shook his head and let it fall down into his hands. Leaning forward, he rested his elbows on his knees and wondered where all of these powerful emotions were coming from.

It scared him in a way, how much he wanted to take the fragile looking boy before him and shield him from harm. He wanted to look into Eren's deep green eyes and tell him that he was safe. Nothing had awakened such powerful protective urges in Levi like this before. And as he started to succumb to his exhaustion, he couldn't say that he really enjoyed feeling this out of control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Time! :  
> I'm really sorry to end it right there, but I have most of the next chapter typed up. It's going to be a really important chapter because it will be Levi and Eren's first real interaction since Eren's been saved. So that's the good news! Levi and Eren interactions next chapter and it will be up within a couple days!  
> \--------  
> My notes on this chapter:
> 
> With this chapter I wanted to get more into Levi's head about how he's feeling about everything and what he thinks of Eren. He's heard a lot about him from Eren's friends and Beth, but he has barely spoken more than a few words to him, and yet he already feels a strong connection to him which is very unusual for Levi. 
> 
> To me, Levi is very observant and understanding. He's incredibly smart and perceptive of his own and other's emotions. I've seen him portrayed as someone who doesn't know how to handle his emotions, but I think that there's no way he would have survived for so long if he didn't know how to handle his own emotions or wasn't aware of himself. He's in a leadership position with so many people depending on him and looking up to him, if he allows himself to be expressive with his emotions, it could effect his subordinates. So just because he doesn't outwardly express what he's feeling doesn't mean he's feeling any less or is any less aware of it. 
> 
> We also know that he's incredibly caring, and because of this, I think that he would be really good with Eren as he's recovering. He knows how important his words are and is very selective with what he says so that it only comes across exactly as he means. 
> 
> I think Eren has a lot of the traits that Levi admires, he's strong willed, determined, he works so damn hard, he's loyal and stands up for those who are faced with injustice. Levi also is all of that, but less loud about it lol. So he already feels a connection to Eren on that level. He's just surprised by the suddenness and how strongly he feels that he wants to protect Eren. 
> 
> Those are the things that I was trying to convey in this chapter, so I hope it made sense. XD


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi meets Eren as he wanted to

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if you got double the alerts or something. I accidentally posted this chapter early without meaning to. XD 
> 
> But here is the greatly anticipated first interaction between Levi and Eren. The first of many of course. :D

**Levi's POV**

Levi's head snapped up at the sound of a soft groan coming from the bed.

Eren's eyebrows were furrowed together and his hands were balled into fists, clutching onto the sheets that covered him. Levi's chest ached as he saw the big, wet tears that clung to the boy's eyelashes and spilled down onto his cheeks.

"Eren..." Levi called out softly. He was simply unable to sit by uselessly while whatever unseen horrors tormented the younger so.

Eren stilled at the sound of his voice and Levi had exactly no idea what that meant.

"Eren... you're safe... It's Levi." He tried again gently hoping that his voice didn't betray how uncertain he felt.

A whole horde of titans could have burst through the side of the castle in that moment and Levi knew that he wouldn't have noticed, because it was then that Eren's eyelashes fluttered open. He suddenly found himself looking into those big green eyes that had haunted his waking dreams as of late.

Those eyes that were definitely different since the last time he saw them-- that day in the court, but they were still just as breathtaking. Levi's eyes softened as he observed the way in which the formerly sharp brightness of Eren's eyes had faded into something haunted and pained. And yet, behind it all, Levi could see the flicker of light that fought so desperately to stay visible behind the darkness.

That little spark reminded him so much of the fire he had seen before that it almost hurt.

"Captain Levi..." Eren managed though his throat was sore and his tongue was heavy.

"I remember... Beth... My friends... You saved me..." He whispered looking heartbreakingly lost.

"You're not there anymore." Levi said gently, not having any idea what else to say. Eren's eyes were semi frantic as they searched for something in his own. He hoped with everything that he had that Eren would find what he was looking for.

He's not sure how long passed while they sat there in silence, but Eren's shoulders finally dropped and a bit of the tension bled out of his posture.

"Thank you... for saving Beth and me." The brunette said softly and he dropped his gaze. His words were so tentative and unsure-- like he was expecting instant backlash from whatever he said.

"There's no need to thank me." Levi replied in the gentlest voice he could manage.

"I... I thought I would die there..." Eren whispered and he seemed like he might be talking more to himself than to Levi.

Levi couldn't imagine what the boy was feeling. He'd been through so much. He had lost track of time and thought that he had been forgotten. The older man knew that when you're that isolated from the rest of the world, you slowly forget that it exists. And his heart ached for the boy before him who he was sure was struggling to accept that he was not in that dungeon anymore. He was surely scared that it was too good to be true and would be ripped away from him at any moment.

"I never thought I would leave there." Eren whispered brokenly.

"There were times when I hoped I would die there... that they would finally kill me and end it all." Eren choked back a sob and covered his mouth with both of his hands to stifle his own cries.

Levi watched with sad eyes at the movement. He wondered what the guards had done to Eren when they heard him crying to make him learn to silence himself like so.

"But Beth is here and she says that she's with me. She would never lie to me..." The younger continued to try to rationalize the situation with himself.

Levi knew that in that dark place, Eren must have lost his trust in others and in himself. That his only truth had become the hopelessness of his situation. With such a thorough and painful truth, he knew that it would be incredibly difficult to accept another. Hard to accept that he was safe.

With a start, Eren suddenly turned toward Levi, his expressive eyes still searching.

"I thought of you, and how you looked at me before the trial. It's stupid but I felt like you cared what happened to me... but in that place I could only recall your memory. So this has to be real, because I couldn't imagine the way you're looking at me now. Like- like I can trust you and do care about me." Eren's words tumbled in a rush from his mouth. He was frantic and desperate and it showed in the rawness and vulnerability of his words.

Not for the first time, Levi looked at Eren in wonder. Beth had told him that Eren had talked about him to her, but to hear it from the boy's own mouth left him speechless.

He was shocked by the ease with which the boy had looked into his eyes and seen right through to his feelings in this moment and before the trial. Erwin and Hanji were probably the only two people alive that could read him on his most expressive days, and Eren Jaeger was doing it from just a glance. As if seeing past Levi's impassive mask was the most natural thing in the world.

"So that's why... that's why, even though I'm so confused, if you tell me right now, I swear I'll believe you... this... is this real?" Eren asked and the desperation and hope in his voice were heart-wrenching.

Levi swallowed thickly, and he could feel the weight of the question. He felt the pressure of the importance of the moment as it sank down into every bone in his body.

"This is real, Eren." He said slowly, "You're safe. You're not there anymore and neither is Beth. You're both safe and I won't let anyone hurt either of you again."

Levi spoke the words calmly and surely, trying to convey how much he truly meant them. When he was finished speaking he watched Eren for any reaction, afraid that he had said something wrong.

Eren reached forward suddenly, both of his trembling hands moving forward to clutch at the sleeve of Levi's jacket.

The older man was surprised. But knowing that Eren was choosing to reach out to him for comfort sent a warm feeling spreading throughout his chest.

He noticed that Eren had reached for his sleeve and not his hand, and with a jolt he realized that it was probably because the only hands that had touched him during his time as a captive (besides Beth's), had done so with the intent to hurt him in the most horrific ways possible.

So Levi was still and silent in his comfort as Eren's head bent forward and he could see tears drop onto the blankets.

Time passed like that for a while. Maybe ten minutes passed, maybe an hour, but when Eren's shoulders stopped shaking and his tears stopped falling, Levi found that a lifetime could have passed and he wouldn't have cared.

Eren looked up at him through long, wet eyelashes and gingerly returned his hands to his lap. The boy's big green eyes were sad, but startlingly clear.

"A-ah, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that, Captain Levi-"

"Levi. Just Levi." The black haired man said cutting off Eren's apology. He wanted the other to know that he would never hold his power or position over him, and he wanted him to know he was safe with him.

For that, he wanted to be just Levi to Eren.

Those impossibly wide eyes widened even further in surprise, if that was possible. He opened his mouth as if to protest, but Levi continued.

"You don't ever have to apologize for feeling, Eren. You're allowed to break down and process things. That does not make you weak, it makes you human. And you never need to apologize to me, because for me, I'm honored that you allowed me to be with you in a moment like this. "

As he finished, Eren's expression changed to one of awed disbelief. His eyes welled up with tears again, but they did not fall.

"Thank you... Levi." Eren said finally. The shorter man was relieved to see the sincerity in the younger's eyes and was sure that his words had gotten through at least a little.

Levi sent him a small smile. It was the most that he could manage during such a bittersweet time.

"You should rest." He found that he would not have minded staying up for the rest of the night talking to the younger but he could see that he needed more rest.

"When I close my eyes, my dreams always take me back there. Even when I was still there, it was all I could see." Eren replied after a moment. His voice was resigned and a lot calmer than it should be. He spoke with the voice of someone reciting facts.

"I won't leave you there. If you start having a nightmare, I'll wake you up like before. I'll stay here by your side, you will be safe. I won't let them hurt you, even in your dreams." Levi said resolutely.

Eren looked shocked and confused but nodded slowly after a moment. His eyes slipped closed and almost instantly his breathing evened as he sunk into unconsciousness.

Levi was amazed that Eren still had it in him to trust him. But it made sense didn't it? From everything that he had seen and heard about Eren, he knew that he had lived through and been orphaned by Shiganshina. And still he searched for goodness in everyone. He was loyal, compassionate and maybe a little too trusting at times. He had grown up seeing humans at their worst and still he was unwavering in his resolve to fight for the goodness of humanity.

But no matter how many times and how thoroughly those Military Police bastards had hurt him, they hadn't been able to break him all the way.

The boy was still loving and trusting and fighting whether he knew it or not. It was incredible and Levi was not going to let him down, of that he was damn sure.

He leaned back in his chair and watched the rise and fall of Eren's chest. That night he kept to his promise and stayed awake by Eren's side.

The boy slept soundly through the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so I hope that this was good for their first interactions. 
> 
> This scene is really, really important for both Levi and Eren. From Levi's point of view I wanted to convey his feelings about how he connects with Eren from the get go. He has felt a connection with him since the first time he saw him and it's stronger than anything he's ever felt before. He wants to protect Eren and be there for him. 
> 
> He does his best to ground and reassure Eren who is understandably having a bit of difficulty accepting his situation. 
> 
> Eren, on the other hand, before he can even begin to start healing, he has to accept that he's no longer in his horrible place that he thought he'd spend the rest of his life in. Being rescued is better than anything he could have expected, and he's wary, unsure if he can trust the situation. 
> 
> I wanted to show here that Eren realizes that while he was in captivity, he could only cling to the memories of his friends and family. He only ever dreamed of the memory of Levi's eyes and his expressions. He realizes that he couldn't create the expression that was on Levi's face during his captivity, and so he chooses to put his trust in Levi, because for some reason he feels like he can trust him. The same reason why Levi feels the connection with Eren. 
> 
> In this way Levi is able to act as a grounding force for Eren which is important. 
> 
> This chapter was also a really important interaction between the two of them, but only from Levi's POV. There's a lot going on in Eren's mind that I want to make clear, and so that's why the next chapter will have this interaction from Eren's POV. It will be posted soon as I already have most of it written. :D 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Please let me know what you think :D


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren's POV of his and Levi's first real encounter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you thank you thank you guys for your feedback. I really appreciate it! 
> 
> You guys have no idea how much your comments motivate me and how happy it makes me to see that someone has left a comment. So Please, if you have time, please let me know what you're thinking! It makes writing this story so much more worth it! <3

**Eren's POV**

_"Please, no, stop! Please..." Eren couldn't hear the words that poured from his mouth as he begged for mercy. He knew nothing he could say would stop them but he pleaded nonetheless._

_He could feel the jarring, excruciating sensation of metal against his bones that ripped scream after scream from his sore throat._

_He could hear the excited murmurs of the scientists as they forced needles into his veins--_

_\-- as they forced his legs apart._

_He couldn't catch his breath as the first guard pulled out of his body and the next one eagerly took his place. He wanted to scream but there were already fingers being shoved down his throat._

_Everything was dark and everything hurt him._

_The only words he could hear were words that filled him with cold terror._

_"Commencing next trial."_

_"This is what you were made for, slut."_

_"You deserve this because you're a monster."  Nile Dok had said cruelly as he reached forward to wipe the tears that had spilled from Eren's eyes. The action seemed to hurt more because of its gentleness._

_Eren flinched backward in his hurt, stumbling until his back hit the cold stone wall._

_There were voices all around him taunting him, humiliating him. And Nile was walking toward him slowly with that horrible smirk, knowing that he had him cornered._

_The harsh laughter and jeering of the disembodied voices that seemed to scream at him from the darkness had him wrapping his arms around his own trembling frame and shaking his head in fear._

_"Eren..." It was the first voice to break through the others. It was the first voice to say something that wasn't cruel. All that it said was his name._

_Even Nile paused in his advance to look up in surprise at the voice._

_And suddenly Nile was thrown on the ground unconscious and bloodied and standing before him was Captain Levi._

_Eren's knees gave out and the Captain caught him before he could hit the floor._

_It all felt so familiar..._

_"Eren... you're safe..." Humanity's strongest said to him and for a moment he did feel safe._

_Then he looked into the eyes of his savior, those deep, piercing grey depths, and Eren's heart leaped with something like hope in a way he did not understand._

_"It's Levi." Levi said._

_And Eren opened his eyes._

* * *

Eren blinked slowly as the force of reality came crashing back and slammed into him like a wave. 

His breathing was heavy and erratic. He struggled to focus his blurry vision, and he saw a figure before him. 

The first thing that seemed to become clear were a pair of familiar grey eyes. 

"Captain Levi..." He whispered, with more than a little difficulty. 

His brain was foggy, but already it swirled with questions. Why was Captain Levi sitting beside him? Where was he? Why were there so many candles around them? The military police had always kept him in the dark. 

Suddenly images of the last time he awoke came flooding back. His conversation with Beth... She said they had been rescued by Captain Levi and the Survey Corps. He had seen his friends... Armin... Mikasa... It had been real...

It had been real. 

Hadn't it?

"I remember Beth... My friends... you saved me..." Eren choked out, trying to put words to the powerful feelings he was experiencing. 

It was real... wasn't it? He prayed he wasn't still in that dungeon. 

"You're not there anymore." Levi replied gently. There was something so comforting about the man's deep, sturdy voice. There was something that made him want to trust in that voice and its owner.

He looked up into Levi's eyes and searched desperately for any signs of untruth. 

There were none. 

Levi's eyes were clear and honest. Eren had grown wary of meeting people's eyes as of late. Being able to see how badly they wanted to hurt him seemed to make it that much worse. 

He couldn't explain it, but it was almost as if the expression Levi looked at him with was concerned and caring. Eren knew it had to be his imagination though, because why would someone like Humanity's Strongest, ever look at someone like him with such an expression?

He felt like he were standing on uneven, shifting ground. He felt so unsure. 

The man before him had showed him kindness and was by his bedside. But Eren knew that he was still a monster- a tool at the very best. 

Eren looked down at his hands and clenched them into fists feeling his stomach churn with anxiety. 

Under the Military Police, he knew to expect pain and cruelty at every turn. But here... he had no idea when or from where the pain would come and that was terrifying. 

He did not know if he would be punished for speaking out turn but he couldn't stop the words from falling from his lips. 

"Thank you... for saving Beth and me." 

"There's no need to thank me." Levi's reply was instant and his voice was so gentle that it almost hurt. Eren's heart throbbed at the tone in the older man's voice knowing that there was no way he deserved to hear such a caring tone. 

Eren wondered if there would be a price to pay in exchange for such kindness. 

"I... I thought I would die there... I thought I would never leave there." He said in a heavy voice. "There were times when I hoped I would die there... that they would finally kill me and end it all." With every fiber of his being he had thought that that dungeon and the abuse of the Military Police would be all he would know until they finally killed him. 

He quickly stifled to sob that ripped through his thin frame. 

He had imagined the world moving on without him and most of him had accepted it. But here he was, they told him he was at the Survey Corps HQs and that Captain Levi had saved him and that surely was too good to be true. 

This world had shown it was much more fond of ripping his safety and loved ones from him in the most violent and horrible ways... why would such a world suddenly decide to give him a reprieve now? That made no sense at all. What made more sense was for this to be a dream or a fantasy that he had created himself. He was going to wake up and still be forgotten and then that cursed door would open and they would hurt him again. 

That was what was left of his life. That was what he knew. 

"But Beth is here and she says that she's with me. She would never lie to me..." He reasoned with himself. 

Beth would never hurt him or lie to him. That was also what he knew. And she had told him that he was safe. 

Eren also knew that luxuries such as compassion and mercy did not exist in that dungeon. They only existed in Beth's stories and in his own memories. And he had clung to those memories like a life line. Memories of his friends, his family... of Levi... 

With a jolt of realization he turned toward Levi. 

"I thought of you, and how you looked at me before the trial. It's stupid but I felt like you cared what happened to me... but in that place I could only recall your memory. So this has to be real, because I couldn't imagine the way you're looking at me now. Like- like I can trust you and do care about me." Eren knew that he was babbling like a fool and that if Captain Levi didn't already think he was weak and pathetic, he certainly would after that, but there was something he had to know. 

He had to understand. 

And there was something that was stronger than the anxiety and fear squeezing around his chest, that was telling him to trust in those grey eyes. 

"So that's why... that's why, even though I'm so confused, if you tell me right now, I swear I'll believe you... this... is this real?" 

The air was heavy and Eren could feel his heart threatening to beat right out of his chest. Each second that passed was its own form of torture as he waited for his answer. 

"This is real, Eren. You're safe. You're not there anymore and neither is Beth. You're both safe and I won't let anyone hurt either of you again." 

For a second Eren was unable to process the words. But he could see the sincerity in the other man's eyes and hear the certainty in his voice. 

And then another second passed and the emotion that swept through his entire being was so strong he could no longer hold himself upright. Eren lurched forward and barely felt himself reach out for the captain. His shaking fingers curling around one of his sleeves. Tears poured from his eyes and his shoulders heaved with quiet sobs as he truly felt the reality of the situation for the first time. 

He was no longer there. 

He wept and wept until he was dry and allowed himself to accept that he was no longer in that dungeon, and his mind and body were absolutely drained from the effort. 

When he was able to finally look up once more, he felt different. 

He was exhausted in every sense of the word, and yet he felt more present than before. There was a certainty in his possession that he didn't have earlier now that he wasn't constantly afraid he was in some fantasy that would suddenly shatter. 

And then he remembered where he was and who he was with. 

Mortified and more than a little afraid he apologized. "A-ah, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that, Captain Levi-"

"Levi. Just Levi." The black haired man had cut him off before he could continue spouting apologies.

Eren's eyes widened. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He didn't understand at all. 

He was a monster. He was a broken tool. He was ashamed of himself for even allowing himself to take advantage of someone as amazing as Captain Levi's kindness... there was no way that he should be allowed to call him by his name.

"You don't ever have to apologize for feeling, Eren. You're allowed to break down and process things. That does not make you weak, it makes you human. And you never need to apologize to me, because for me, I'm honored that you allowed me to be with you in a moment like this. "

Eren's eyes filled with tears instantly at Levi's words. He didn't understand how he had come into the presence of such an impossibly caring man. 

He was afraid to believe that he would ever be seen as human again. And yet, here was Levi, assuring him that he was. 

Here he was asking him to call him by only his given name, as if he was someone that was worthy of such a privilege.

Perhaps if it had been anyone else, his confusion and fear would have been too much, but Levi's dark eyes were still pleading with him to trust him. 

"Thank you... Levi." Eren whispered and tasted the other man's name on his tongue. He couldn't help the selfish spark of happiness that he felt at being given such an honor. 

The smile Levi gave him was small but it sent a feeling of warmth all throughout his body that somehow seemed to calm his nerves. That smile was beautiful and it made him feel safe. 

"You should rest." Levi suggested softly. 

And then the warm safety he had felt was gone. Eren's stomach flipped at the idea of returning to the nightmare he had just awoken from. 

Eren shook his head and replied in a weary, resigned voice. "When I close my eyes, my dreams always take me back there. Even when I was still there, it was all I could see." 

"I won't leave you there. If you start having a nightmare, I'll wake you up like before. I'll stay here by your side, you will be safe. I won't let them hurt you, even in your dreams."

For what seemed like the millionth time that night, Eren couldn't believe what he was hearing. He didn't understand. Why would Levi do something like that for him? Why would he say such things like 'I'll stay here by your side' and 'I won't let them hurt you.' or 'you will be safe.' 

They were promises he never though he'd hear. They were words that he wanted to believe in, but was desperately afraid to. 

He felt like a fool when he nodded his head to accept Levi's offer. But he had already long lost the battle against trusting the man prematurely. 

His eyes slipped closed and he could feel his consciousness fade. The last thing he heard was the memory of Levi's assurance. 

"I won't leave you there." 

And that was enough in that moment. 

In the morning Eren would realize that the nightmares did not come. His sleep had been dreamless for the first time in a long time. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was Eren's POV! 
> 
> I wanted to show Eren's thought process and how he was handling the conversation with Levi. 
> 
> I hoped to also give a better idea of where Eren is mentally right now. Obviously, he's not in a good place mentally, but he has at least been able to accept that he really has been rescued and is no longer in the clutches of the Military Police. He's unsure why he is so compelled to trust Levi, but even more than that he does not understand his kindness. 
> 
> Even before the MP, we know that Eren has shitty self esteem. He believes he was too weak to save his mother and hates himself for it. He has always seen himself as more of a tool to be able to kill titans to defend people that he thinks are worth more than himself. Then comes in the MP bastards and they're constantly telling him that he's a monster, that he's broken and that he deserves everything they are inflicting on him. 
> 
> This is why Levi's kindness scares and confuses him so much. Because he does not believe he is worthy of any form of kindness any longer, so it makes no sense logically why Levi would be treating him so kindly. He has such a hard time accepting all of the things Levi's telling him because they don't make sense based on how Eren currently sees himself. 
> 
> And yet he does accept Levi on some levels and he can't deny that he wants to feel his compassion and to trust him which is very Eren, and shows that they couldn't break him of that.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Eren's eyes fluttered open the first thing he saw was the light. It was midday and sunshine was pouring through the large open windows of the infirmary. 
> 
> The yellow glow bathed the entire room in brightness and for the first time in what seemed like forever, Eren could feel the warmth of day on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys. I'm sosososososososoooooo sorry that I haven't updated in so long!! Things have been sooooo crazy. 
> 
> I've definitely not given up or anything on this fic. I'm hoping to start posting more regularly again. 
> 
> Your comments have definitely given me the motivation I needed to get my ass in gear though and get this next chapter up! So please, if you have time let me know what you're thinking <3

**Eren's POV**

When Eren's eyes fluttered open the first thing he saw was the light. It was midday and sunshine was pouring through the large open windows of the infirmary. 

The yellow glow bathed the entire room in brightness and for the first time in what seemed like forever, Eren could feel the warmth of day on his face. 

He felt ridiculous as he felt the sting of tears in the corners of his eyes. He knew he should feel embarrassed that he was crying over something as simple as seeing sunlight. 

Drawing a shaky breath, he couldn't believe how fresh and pure the air was. He nearly gasped at the feeling of breathing clean air, when for so long all that had filled his lungs had been the stale, thin air of the dungeons. He closed his eyes and greedily inhaled once more, savoring the crisp coolness that filled him. 

He opened his eyes to take in his surroundings. 

As his eyes flicked to his right, his breath caught in his throat. 

There was Beth, always at his side. She was looking at him with such a tender, loving expression. Her eyes were brimming with tears that spilled silently down her cheeks. 

The years had left harsh lines on her face, but the wrinkles at the corners of her eyes and mouth were upturned. The sunlight shone brightly behind her and illuminated her hair, turning it from grey to silver. 

"Eren, my child..." Beth whispered in a voice impossibly thick with emotion. 

She reached forward toward him and it was like a dam had burst somewhere within him. 

A sob tore itself from his throat as he lunged forward to grab her hand with both of his own. Tears were falling freely from his eyes and he barely noticed. 

He felt a small smile forming on his lips that felt incredibly foreign. But he clung to the woman who had been his lifeline in a place of darkness that had wanted to swallow him whole. 

To him, she was beautiful and radiant. They were sitting in the sun  _together_ , and the realization of that filled him with a terrifying joy.

It was something so simple, and yet so impossible that he had never dared to dream of it before. 

Unknown to Eren, Beth was thinking incredibly similar thoughts. 

When the sun had poured through the windows, Beth's breath had nearly been taken away by the beauty of the boy she had come to see as her own. His features for once were peaceful and allowed her, for a moment, to catch a glimpse of the boy that he should have been. 

He was safe and somewhere where he could feel the sunlight. The relief of it all was dizzying and brought tears to her eyes. 

No matter how they hurt him, Eren's eyes had always been lovely. They had stood out in the darkness like a beacon. 

And yet, when the boy had blinked the slip from his eyes and turned his gaze toward her, Beth knew that she had never seen anything more breathtaking in her life. 

Those deep green eyes had shone more vividly than she had ever seen. It had killed her to have see the brilliance of Eren's eyes become duller by the day, but the dazzling sight with which she was just met filled her with hope. 

Those eyes somehow reflected an almost childlike awe. And as Eren's gaze fell on her, they were filled with an unwavering adoration completely directed toward her. 

Beth pulled her boy close and kissed the top of his head as a warm maternal pride filled her chest. 

"I never thought I'd see you in the sunlight." Eren choked out still clinging to her embrace. 

"I know, my child." She muttered gently. And she really did know. 

Her Eren was so strong. She saw him as her own child and loved him as such. He was strong and brave and teaching her and those around him new things every day. And what she wanted more than anything was his safety and his happiness. 

Now that he was safe, she would be damned if she let anyone or anything stand in the way of his happiness. 

* * *

**Levi POV**

Levi watched the moment between Eren and Beth feeling like an intruder to something private. The scene stirred a bittersweet warmth in his chest that he was no longer surprised to feel because of Eren. 

Seeing the boy in the light of day really was something else. It was as if the sun itself seemed to favor him, and it wrapped him protectively in its rays. 

All in a moment, with the sun shinning through strands of soft brown hair and glinting off emerald eyes, Eren looked alive. He looked broken and frail, but still undeniably alive, and not for the first time, it took Levi's breath away. 

"Levi..." Levi suddenly realized that Eren's soft gaze was focused on him. 

"You stayed..." Eren breathed out. His voice was awed and grateful as if Levi had given him some precious gift and not merely spent the night at his bedside. 

Levi coughed and averted his gaze. The strength of Eren's gratitude and the warm, knowing smile Beth had directed toward him were suddenly too much. 

"Tch... of course I did. I told you I would." Levi replied bluntly though there was no bite in his tone. 

"Ah! He's awake!" An excited voice burst forth suddenly. The small feeling of peace that had settled between the three of them shattered instantly. 

Levi's whole body tensed and he watched as Eren's did as well, though for different reasons. 

Hanji was rushing forward eagerly. Levi knew how easy it was for her to lose herself in her excitement, but he wasn't sure how Eren would be affected by her sudden appearance. 

He saw Eren look at Hanji's approaching figure with an alarmed expression on his face. Instinctively the boy pulled his knees to his chest and flinched backward in fear. 

Hanji halted immediately and her eager, excited expression quickly changed to one of sad, concerned guilt. 

"Eren..." Levi started in the most gentle voice he could muster. Hanji sent him a look of disbelief, but he couldn't be bothered by her reaction to his tone at the moment. "It's just Hanji. You've met her before. She came and got you from the trial and has been taking care of you since you got here. She would never hurt you. She's safe." 

Relief flooded his system when Eren slowly blinked his eyes open. They locked gazes and Levi tried to send him the most reassuring look that he could. It must have worked because some of the tension left the brunet boy's body and he uncurled a little. 

Eren exhaled and tentatively looked up at Hanji. He looked so unsure of himself, it was heartbreaking. 

"T-thank you for taking care of me." The boy managed shyly. 

And shit. Levi knew Hanji and he tensed in anticipation for the squeal of adoration he knew she was liable to release. 

Surprisingly she managed to remain quiet, but Levi felt her actually tense beside him with the effort.

The smile she turned toward the brunet was blinding though. 

"Of course, Eren!" Hanji gushed and her unfiltered, open personality seemed to put Eren at ease. 

"Now that you're awake and feeling a bit better, I need to run a few tests to make sure you're recovery is still going well." Hanji's voice was level, calm and kind, despite how excited she had been previously. 

But that didn't mean that Levi didn't notice the way Eren flinched slightly at her words and unconsciously drew his knees closer to his chest. 

"O-oh o-okay." Was the small reply. Eren's voice sounded strained and anxious and the sudden change worried Levi. It had been like a wall had been slammed down again between them. 

Suddenly, Levi realized what had caused Eren's change in demeanor and it made him sick to his stomach. Of course he would react badly to any type of "test," especially in a medical situation. He turned toward Hanji to tell her, but was surprised to see that she appeared to already recognize her mistake. 

"Oh, oh no, sweetie, nothing like that." Hanji quickly backtracked, and Levi smiled inwardly, it was silly of him to doubt her for even a second. 

"I'm not going to hurt you! I just want to do some things like check your temperature and measure your pulse. It won't hurt, I promise." 

At that, Eren just looked confused. 

"It... won't hurt?" 

"Nope!" Hanji reassured him. "Here, let me show you. Will you trust me to show you?" 

Eren paused for a moment, taken aback by the question.

Levi wasn't surprised by the boy's confusion. During his captivity, it was obvious that the shitty Military Police scientists had treated him as nothing but an object. His feelings and consent had never come into play as they had inflicted the harshest of pain on his body. If they had wanted anything from him, they would take it whether he wanted to give it or not. Levi was eternally grateful that now Eren was in Hanji's care, and he knew she would treat him with the utmost respect and show him how he deserved to be treated. 

Levi couldn't imagine what Eren was feeling, going from being treated as an object or a plaything, to being treated as a respected guest, but he could see every flicker of confusion and conflict in the younger's expressive eyes. 

But they would be patient, and with time he would come to understand. He would make sure of it himself. 

* * *

 

**Normal POV**

After what seemed like quite the internal battle, Eren nodded toward Hanji. 

Hanji absolutely beamed. She then slowly held out an upturned hand in Eren's direction, while being careful to not encroach on his space. 

"Eren, could I see your arm?" 

Eren looked dazed again, obviously wondering why Hanji was asking for his arm when she could just take it herself. 

Slowly he extended his wrist into her open palm. The tips of his fingers were trembling and he bit his lip almost hard enough to draw blood in an attempt to control his movements. Hanji was being nice enough to ask for his arm, he wasn't stupid enough to deny her, no matter how afraid this weird situation made him feel. 

Hanji gently covered his hand with her other hand and said, "Hey, it's okay Eren. If I ask you to do something that you're not comfortable with, you don't have to, okay? You can always say no, and I'll stop."

At this Eren looked startled. He could barely believe the words he was hearing.  

During his captivity, there hadn't been a single person in charge of him that had cared what he wanted. There hadn't been a time when he had been spared from some cruelty no matter how much he screamed and pleaded. 

He knew he was weak and that Hanji could do whatever tests she needed to do on him and there wouldn't be anything he could do about it. And yet, she looked at him with such kind eyes and told him that she would stop if he asked. There was something so sincere about her that he didn't doubt it for a second. 

He had known that the scouts would be kinder to him. But here was Levi and now Hanji, and they both made him feel like they weren't just being nice. They made him feel like they cared. 

It didn't make a lot of sense to him, since he knew he was still just a damaged tool, in the care of the Scouts because they hoped he'd be useful... but he couldn't deny the sudden feeling of safety he felt from being in Levi and Hanji's care. 

"... I... thank you..." Eren whispered in a trembling voice. And he wondered how broken he must be to be tearing up at being treated like a human being. 

Hanji smiled kindly. "Is this okay?" She gestured toward his wrist on her hand. 

He nodded. 

"Okay, I'm going to take your pulse." 

* * *

 

 "Gods, he's absolutely precious." Hanji said after they had left Beth and Eren in the infirmary. 

Hanji had taken Eren's pulse and checked his temperature. Each time explaining what she was doing and giving him enough time to adjust. Levi had been proud, watching Hanji work, as Eren's body language had shown that he slowly was beginning to relax and trust in Hanji's presence. There had been moments when he had asked her to give him a second, and he would recollect himself and then try his hardest to do as she asked. 

Levi couldn't help but smirk at his long time friend. Of course after that, it would have been impossible for Hanji to not completely adore Eren.  

"I want to spoil him and protect him from everything. Is that crazy?" Hanji said bouncing slightly, obviously not caring if it was crazy in the least. 

They were approaching Erwin's office to report on Eren's condition. 

With his hand on the doorknob, Levi said softly, "I don't think it's that crazy." And he refused to look toward Hanji, knowing that she was undoubtedly sending him a shit eating grin. 

"Ah, it's a good thing you two are here..." Erwin greeted them as soon as the door was closed behind them. 

There was something grave in the Commander's voice that had them exchanging a wary look. 

"I'm afraid that we might have a bit of a problem..." 

"What kind of a problem?" Levi asked apprehensively. 

"...I don't know if it's anything yet... but... well, it's Nile Dok." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, okay, I have a massive headache lol. So I'm really hoping you can forgive any weird pacing or POV switches. There were just so many moments in this scene that I wanted to capture. 
> 
> The first part was really emotional for me to write. When Eren was a captive of the MP, he was living day to day. The abuse and pain that he felt became his present and his future; to him there was no end in sight. So the scene with the sunlight, shows that he really had been rescued. I thought it would be really emotional for Eren to see Beth, who he had only known in the darkness of the dungeons, to see her in the day light. It was something he'd never even thought about because it seemed so impossible. The whole scene is supposed to reflect the hope that Eren is feeling whether he realizes it or not. 
> 
> I wanted to show Eren's reaction to being treated with respect and how he should be treated, and how confused he would be since he isn't used to being treated kindly at all. I wanted to show the initial moments between Hanji and Eren that establish trust between the two of them and plant the seeds of the idea that to the Scouts, he is not just a tool or an object. 
> 
> I also wanted to show that despite how seemingly small of a thing it was for Hanji to take Eren's pulse and temperature, it's a huge deal to Eren and those around him realize it. And despite everything, he's still doing his best to trust in others and continue fighting. 
> 
> AND IM SORRY FOR THE CLIFFHANGER! But surely you all knew it wouldn't be the end of Nile and the Military Police. 
> 
> Next Chapter:   
> More info on the Nile situation. Eren will get some visitors :3


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thank you guys for all the support!! <3

**Eren's POV**

After assuring Beth at least a dozen times that he really would be okay if she left to rest properly and get cleaned up, Eren was left alone with his thoughts. Surprisingly enough they did not come crashing in to choke him and deprive him of his safety the moment he was alone. 

He felt weirdly calm. Strangely detached in a way. 

The brunet boy leaned back and indulged in a moment to simply breathe. 

The shock of his rescue had worn off for the most part. He was lucid and had accepted his situation. His body still felt weak, but at the same time stronger than it had been in a long time. 

He understood that he had been held captive for almost a month. But in that prison, time had passed so differently. The suffering and fear had been infinite, and it had felt like he had been in that darkness for a lifetime. 

Sitting there in the sun, Eren felt both like himself and at the same time, nothing like himself simultaneously. He had not imagined an end to his suffering in which he came out alive. 

Eren had not been prepared to sort through the broken pieces of himself, and he was at a loss. 

He was pulled from his thoughts by a knock on the door. The knock was tentative but he felt his whole body tense nonetheless. The idea of facing someone new without Beth, Hanji or Levi there sent a wave of cold anxiety washing over him. Everyone had been kind so far but what if-- 

 _'No,'_ Eren thought. _'I'm not there. This is different.'_ He reminded himself. After all, with the military police, there had never been any knocks on the doors. The guards had always burst in and wrenched him roughly to his feet without warning. 

"Hello?" He gathered his wits and willed his voice not to shake. 

"Eren?" Was the soft reply. The voice that floated toward him was tentative, but anyone could hear the effort required to hold back the hopefulness in that reply. 

"Mikasa..." Eren whispered instantly, his voice recognizing his sister before even his mind did. 

And then it hit him. 

A joy so sudden and strong flooded his system that it felt like a punch to the gut. 

"Eren, it's us." That was Armin's small, excited voice. 

And he couldn't hold back another moment, "Armin! Mikasa!" Eren cried out. 

They were right there. On the other side of that door. His most precious people who had kept him sane in his most terrible moments. All this time they had seen so impossibly far away, accessible only in his dreams and feverish memories... and now they were so close, and it was painful how badly he needed to be with them. 

The door was flung open with a forceful, desperate push and there they were, standing there on the other side. Armin and Mikasa. Both of their cheeks were wet with tears that had not stopped falling. 

Eren could see them.  _He could see them._ They were real and not just in his dreams.

There was a moment when none of them moved, and it was like something clicked into place. The three of them combined held each individual together. The rest of the world could go up in flames but as long as the three of them were together, they were safe and whole. 

Unable to form words, Eren reached out towards them. 

And that was all it took. Armin and Mikasa were rushing across the infirmary. They fell to their knees at the side of his bed, each grasping one of his hands as if they never intended to let go again. 

This was it. This was home. His home was wherever these two were. 

He cried harder because they were real and he could touch them. And there wasn't any part of him that had flinched as they had run forward or grasped his hands. 

He hadn't so much as tensed when he had pulled them onto the bed and settled on either side of him and taken him into their arms. 

Because no matter what happened, there would never be a single part of him- mind, body or soul, that could ever be afraid of the two that were his family. 

Sitting there between Armin and Mikasa, with their arms wrapped around him and their foreheads pressed together, he felt so safe. 

He was home. He was grounded and he wasn't lost anymore. 

Sobs wracked all three of their bodies and Armin and Mikasa kept whispering his name over and over. 

_Eren, Eren, Eren_

It fell from their lips like a prayer and made him sob all that much harder. 

He is not sure how long they stayed like that pressed together and crying. No words were exchanged as they held each other close, because they all knew that what they all needed could not be expressed by mere words. 

When their tears finally subsided and they leaned back to look at each other, Eren felt less empty somehow. 

"We're here, Eren." Mikasa whispered taking his left hand in both of her own and rubbing soothing circles in the inside of his wrist as she had done since they were younger. 

"We're together again." Armin breathed out, gently carding his fingers through Eren's hair just as he done to calm him since they were younger. 

Eren closed his eyes and leaned into their touches. Had it been anyone else, a similar touch would no doubt have caused fear to overcome him after what he had been through. But it was like his body knew that he was safe with them, and was desperately seeking the comfort it had been so deprived of. 

Here he felt safe and loved in a way that only the two of them could make him feel. 

It was in this security that the stubborn, towering walls that he had constructed to protect himself came crashing down. In that moment he didn't have to be strong and put his everything into just holding it together. He had pushed everything down without realizing it and held it away from himself in fear that it would destroy him. 

But he knew that Mikasa and Armin would not let him lose himself - that they were there with him, as they always had- and that made it a little less daunting. 

"I-I thought I would never see you guys again." Eren cried, the weight of the confession leaving him feeling boneless. But of course, Mikasa and Armin both instantly held him close and kept him upright. 

"I was so scared... Everything hurt so much... It was always dark and they hurt me again and again, they never stopped. Every person's eyes I looked into, I could see that they  _wanted_ to hurt me and I don't know why or what I did..." The words poured from Eren's mouth all at once, in a stream. His gaze became unfocused as the horrifying memories of what was done to him became all he could see. 

Suddenly, he could feel the weight of all the suffering that he had kept locked down to maintain his sanity. It was enormous and pressing down on him from every side. Tendrils of its darkness seemed to wrap themselves around his throat and they were suffocating him. He felt himself be pulled deep into that dark horrible place. 

It was too much, too strong- he realized then that it could break him. His realization sent sheer panic coursing through his veins. 

Eren could not see through the onslaught of tears and memories. He could only hear the sound of his own rapid gasping breath. His heart was beating so rapidly in his chest that it hurt and he wondered if after all the pain, he was finally dying. 

"Eren" That was Mikasa's voice and he couldn't find her. It was too dark in this place and he couldn't find her. 

"Eren open your eyes." And that voice... that was Armin's voice. He wanted to do as Armin said, but for a moment, he was so detached he did not know how. It was like his body would not obey his brain. 

"You can do it, Eren. Open your eyes and come back to us." 

He was so scared. But Armin said that he could do it, so it must be true. 

So he tried again to open his eyes. 

* * *

**Armin POV**

Armin had nearly wept with relief upon seeing Eren's all too green eyes. His chest had constricted with fear when Eren had quite suddenly fallen into what appeared to be a full blown panic attack. His heart rate had shot up and his breathing had become increased and frantic. He had had curled in on himself and screwed his eyes shut, an anguished expression on his face. 

It broke his heart in a way that he had no idea it could be broken, to see his best friend in such pain. Mikasa had called out to Eren and released a strangled noise of frustration at their helplessness, and he knew she was just as heartbroken. 

Armin's heart clenched as his traitorous mind wondered just how badly they had hurt Eren for just the memory to cause him this much pain. 

"Eren, we're here. It's safe. You're having a panic attack." Armin told Eren after he had blinked the confusion out of his eyes and appeared to realize where he was. 

"I feel like I could lose myself to it." Eren whispered finally once his breathing had slowed and his eyes had lost that hollow, detached look. His voice was thin and strained. And in all of his years of knowing the other boy, Armin had never heard or seen him so vulnerable. They had all suffered before, but those other times, Eren was able to channel his pain into his anger and his need to stay strong for him and Mikasa. But this was different, those monsters had broken something deep inside of his best friend and he felt an unbridled hatred for those responsible for taking that piece of certainty away from him. 

"You won't." Mikasa whispered and pulled Eren back against her. He automatically curled into the safety of her side. 

"That's right, you won't lose yourself." Armin agreed and shifted himself on the bed so that he was in front of the other two. 

"Listen to my voice, Eren. You can feel Mikasa and me next to you right? We're here and we're not going to let this take you. You're not alone." Armin said soothingly while maintaining eye contact with the boy across from him. 

Eren nodded after a moment and Armin could practically see the other absorbing his words. Eren seemed to come to some conclusions and accept what he said, and he leaned back and made room for Armin next to him. The blond instantly settled into his place and wrapped his arms around his friend. 

With the three of them tangled together like they often were as they grew up, Armin could feel Mikasa and Eren relax slightly. He felt himself relax as well. 

Eren was hurt and hurt deeply and they all felt it within themselves. But Armin was grateful, because for the moment Eren was tucked safely between him and Mikasa and that was a luxury they had all been deprived of lately. 

He had seen just a glimpse of the pain that his normally bright and upbeat friend was holding inside of him, but it was something that they would face together. And so they laid there together, just taking comfort in the sound of each other's breaths and that their heartbeats were finally back in sync. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SHIGANSHINA TRIO REUNION. I fucking needed this guys. XD I love the shiganshina trio and have so many head cannons about them. They aren't just friends, they are family. They are three pieces that make up a whole and they were separated for far too long. 
> 
> So with this chapter I was trying to express that Eren has for the most part accepted his situation, but at the same time he's still detached from it. He's found that Beth is here and has drawn strength from her, and has found trustworthy people in the Scouts in Levi and Hanji. But it's not really until he sees Armin and Mikasa, the two people who he's already been through hell with, who are his family and his platonic soulmates, that his mind, body and soul really are able to feel at home. They ground him, and because of that he's able to begin to feel the hurt and pain of what he's been through, but it's very different this time because it's no longer happening and he's not alone.
> 
> I'm sorry there wasn't more about the cliffhanger, but I'll have some more action stuff hopefully next time. :D


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sooooooo sorry for the lack of update! I'm a piece of shit! I'm sorry. Thank you all for your support and everything though still! Story is not dead by any means, just been busy recently 
> 
>  
> 
> Tw: rape/non-con elements

_"Ah, it's a good thing you two are here..." Erwin greeted them as soon as the door was closed behind them._

_There was something grave in the Commander's voice that had them exchanging a wary look._

_"I'm afraid that we might have a bit of a problem..."_

_"What kind of a problem?" Levi asked apprehensively._

_"...I don't know if it's anything yet... but... well, it's Nile Dok."_

* * *

Upon hearing that name, Levi and Hanji both tensed in anger and disgust. 

Erwin seemed unsurprised and wore a grave expression himself. 

"It's nothing yet..." He assured them but continued to wear the same uneasy look. "I've heard from a few of my contacts with the Military Police and they're saying that since we took Eren, Dok has been in a constant state of rage." 

The Commander sighed and rubbed a large hand over his tired face. When he looked up, Hanji and Levi were probably the only two people that could see the guilt in his serious blue eyes. 

"It seems that Nile has formed some kind of... obsession with Eren. I'm sure that his long-term resentment of me has only fueled his unhealthy fixation. Ever since our trainee days that man has always insisted that I stole opportunities, praise and position that should have rightfully belonged to him. And now, taking Eren from him... Apparently he's quite unstable. The Nile Dok that I once knew was more bark than bite, but power and ambition have completely changed him into an unrecognizable monster." 

The air in Erwin's office was heavy as Hanji and Levi took in their old friend's words. 

"What I'm saying is, we might not be out of the woods with this just yet." 

* * *

 

Levi entered through the open door of the infirmary. It made the soldier in him uneasy to have the door gaping open with Eren in there. But when they had first suggested to close the door, Eren had requested it remain open in that painfully hesitant way and there wasn't anybody around who had the heart to deny him. 

The night had found Eren safely tucked between his two childhood friends. Since his return a little more than a week and a half ago, Armin and Mikasa had barely left Eren's side, each fulfilled their daily duties before returning breathless to the infirmary with wild expressions that could only be calmed upon seeing that Eren had not disappeared while they were away. 

They were all constantly exhausted and they both seemed to be deep in sleep with their limbs curled protectively around Eren so that even in their slumber they could be assured he was safe. 

Eren on the other hand was very much awake and looked quietly troubled. His hands were holding onto Mikasa and Armin's arms and pulling them closer, so it did not seem that the other two were the source of his distress. 

There were several lamps that were placed around Eren's bed as they were fast to learn that he did not do well with the cold or the darkness. The gently flickering flames illuminated Eren's face and cast dark shadows off his long eyelashes that brought attention to his distracted eyes. 

Those eyes held a far off look and such uncertain sadness and the boy's expression was so powerful, Levi could feel himself being drawn forward. 

As Levi approached Eren's bedside he took a moment to remember where he was. With some difficulty he attempted to soften his features and prepare his voice for a gentler tone. He had spent the afternoon running drills and barking out harsh orders and critiques. All day he had been plagued with the weight of the knowledge that Nile Dok could possibly be brewing up some slimy plan. Out there he was the Captain and was weighed down by the burdens of his position, but in here, from day one, he was just Levi talking to Eren. 

"Eren?" Levi said as gently as possible. His voice sounded different even to his own ears-- not bad, just different. 

The boy started slightly, but not strongly enough to wake his sleeping companions. He turned his head to face Levi as the older man drew up a chair to the side of his bed. 

"Capt-- I mean, Levi?" Eren whispered sounding confused. Levi was pleased to note that while he looked surprised, he did not appear to be scared or apprehensive about his sudden visit. 

"At ease, Eren." Levi said lightly and almost playfully in gentle amusement at Eren's reaction and the fact that the boy's trust in him had raised his own spirits as well. 

Levi was infinitely grateful that he had had the foresight to be seated, because he was pretty sure that had he been standing, the sudden smile that he received from Eren would have knocked him flat on his ass. 

Even in the relative darkness of the infirmary, Eren seemed to radiate warmth and brightness in that moment. His smile wasn't huge, but it was real and it reached his eyes. 

Levi was suddenly hit with a wave of awe and gratitude that somehow the boy before him was still able to produce such a genuine smile. 

"Levi... i-it's good to see you." Eren whispered and the Captain found himself returning with the slightest smile of his own. 

Levi could probably count on one hand the number of times his presence had been greeted so warmly. He was a soldier with a reputation, so his appearance was generally met with fear or anxiety and he was used to it. It didn't bother him and the largely anti social side of him welcomed it. But standing here, facing the impossible brightness of Eren Jaeger's smile, he couldn't help but wonder if he was missing out on something after all. 

"What are you doing awake? Aren't you supposed to be sleeping, brat?" The words that left his mouth instantly were fond and almost teasing. Levi then tensed slightly, wondering if he shouldn't have called Eren that, despite the fact that there was no malice behind his words. 

To Levi's surprise the brunet let out a small laugh. 

That sound was beautiful. He found himself wondering what it would be like to hear Eren's full laughter, unrestrained. 

"Thank you, Levi." Eren replied and though his voice was cheerful, there was definitely an underlying sense of gratitude in his tone. 

"I didn't realize I needed that." Eren's voice dropped to a whisper and suddenly those bright eyes were duller and downcast. The change in his expression left Levi's heart clenching painfully and the instinctual part of him desperately wondered what he could do make Eren laugh again. 

"I love them. They're my family, of course I do. And I need them. I need them  _so much._ " Eren said softly looking at the sleeping faces of Armin and Mikasa at his sides. "They treat me so delicately, as if I am made of glass and already broken. I understand why. I really do. I would be doing the same thing if it was one of them in my position. It just feels unreal. It's like a constant reminder of what happened-- that I'm different from how I used to be.

What I want is for things to be the same as before. I want to go back to believing that the titans were the most horrible monsters in this world. I want to see my other friends, but I don't know if I can face them... I feel like I'm a different person that I have no idea how to be." 

Levi remembered that the Eren before Trost was a soldier in training and on the cusp of graduating. He remembered Beth telling him that Eren's dream had been to serve Humanity in the Survey Corps and to see what was beyond the walls. From every account he had been full of life and determination. He had been adored by his peers and had gained respect among his superiors for his willpower and tenacity. Levi had barely gotten to meet him before the day in the courtroom, but even what he saw then was enough to imagine how much those Military Police bastards had taken from him. 

Levi couldn't begin to fathom how Eren felt after what he had suffered, but he could see that the boy needed some sense of normalcy and as if reading his thoughts, Eren whispered, "So when you came in here, calling me a brat, I thought, maybe you might have greeted me that way before all of this and I couldn't help but to be grateful." 

"Don't mention it, brat." Levi said lightly, but his eyes conveyed to the younger that he understood just how much his words had helped him. 

The smile was back on Eren's face again and selfishly Levi wanted to keep it there. But there was something the boy had said that was bothering him. 

"Why do you feel like you can't face your friends?" 

Instantly the smile slid from Eren's face, and Levi mourned its loss. 

"Mikasa and Armin have told me that our friends from the 104th want to come visit me. I miss them so much, and I want to see them, but for some reason I don't think I can face them." Eren explained sadly after a moment. 

"I-I know that they know what happened to me..." The brunet said in a small voice. 

Levi looked at Eren. The boy was suddenly blinking back tears, his cheeks were flushed with shame and his body was trembling slightly. 

"Your friends are not going to think any less of you." Levi replied, his chest constricting as he realized that Eren was feeling too ashamed to see his friends. The thought alone was enough to set his blood boiling with rage at those monsters who had hurt him. Eren Jaeger who was fifteen years old and willing to shoulder the weight of the world to protect his loved ones, should not have to feel ashamed of a damn thing. Those fuckers had made Eren feel like his friends would no longer want him, that he didn't deserve their love and support and Levi would not leave until he had convinced him otherwise. 

"I don't know. I feel different. Now... I am less than I was before. They are soldiers now, members of the Scouts. The only thing useful about me was that apparently I can become a titan... but now I don't think I could fight anything anymore. I don't think I can stand next to them anymore." Eren said blankly. The words were dull and resigned, something that he had obviously spent a long time torturing himself over. He felt numb after he had said that, like his fears were laid bare and all he could do was wait for them to come true.

These fears and insecurities had built up within him since returning. Eren knew that he was different. He knew that they had stripped him of his sense of safety and his confidence in his own ability to keep fighting. Before, when the world had taken everything from him, he still had his friends and he still had his ability to fight. And he had fought against every odd. He had wielded his determination as a weapon to protect his family and to do what he had thought was right. 

When the Military Police had taken him prisoner he had fought like always had. He had kicked and screamed and thrown back rage fueled words at the beginning, but in the end none of that made any difference. They had hurt him the same. They had reduced him to nothing and all of his rage and determination did nothing to save him. He couldn't defend himself, he couldn't fight for himself, how could he do anything for anyone else? 

His treacherous mind forced horrible memories to the surface. Horrible faces. Horrible people. Horrible words. 

The scientists had tortured him relentlessly, making his body experience pain in ways that he had no idea even existed. 

But what Nile Dok and his men had done to him had distorted and broken everything he knew about who he was and left him feeling filthy. 

_There were times, and these were the times he hated the most, when Nile would tie him down spread open and vulnerable. He would then spend hours taking him apart. He would run his long fingers across every inch of his exposed skin with light and teasing strokes that contrasted sharply with the sadistic glint in his eyes. He would whisper filthy, humiliating things in Eren's ear as he mouthed at the sensitive flesh and teased his nipples into hardness. It was those times that Nile would slick up his fingers and work him open slowly. Rubbing mercilessly at that spot inside him that sent waves of unwanted pleasure coursing through Eren's helpless body._

_It was the first time that Nile had subjected him to this torture, maybe a week into his captivity, that Eren had felt something change inside of himself._

_Powerless against the black haired man's minstrations, Eren would harden against his will and that's when he would feel the most disgusting. He didn't want it. The feel of that man's hands on his body made him want to retch, so why would his own body react that way? He hated it. He hated himself._

_Nile was merciless. With one hand pumping relentlessly into Eren's body, the other wrapped around his cock, and his sadistic eyes glued onto his tearstained face, Nile forced him to come again and again. And somehow it was worse than all the other pain that he had experienced at the hands of his captors._

_Eren cried and begged for him to stop as he the older man continued to assaulted him, the over-stimulation too much. But he did not relent until Eren was coming dry, incoherent and barely conscious._

_It was only then that Nile finally took him, just so Eren knew that he had done all of that just to hurt him. It was in that moment when he was so completely used and broken, with Nile grunting above him, that Eren could feel the shame and nastiness of everything that had happened. That he understood how disgusting and cruel everything had become._

_It was then that he knew it had changed him._

_The pain and filth from everything that had happened to him had seeped into the broken pieces that were left of him and made him just as rotten._

_He was disgusting and weak._

_His body was disgusting and weak and he couldn't fight back. How could he? When not even his own body was on his side._

 

_Nile and his men never missed the opportunity to tell him that he wasn't anything but a pretty little toy that was meant to be used. That there was nothing he could do but take it, because nobody was coming to save him-- and even if someone did come, they wouldn't want him back. But it wasn't until after that first week, that he had started to see the truth to their words._

Levi watched sadly as Eren's eyes unfocused for a moment. And when he blinked and shook his head there were tears in his eyes and a heartbroken look on his face. 

Whatever Eren was reliving took any warmth right out of the room. Their eyes were locked but Levi could tell that the younger wasn't seeing him at all. There were just tears pouring silently from his eyes and his body had tensed up. 

"I can't face them." Eren said softly shaking his head and still looking lost. "I can't stand beside them anymore. I don't deserve it. I can't fight any longer. I'm weak and dirty and I'm just not... good." 

Levi was not often rendered speechless. He was quick and knew what to say even though he rarely spoke. But here, he had no words to say. There was a pain in his chest that felt like it was ripping his heart apart as he listened to Eren repeat what had undoubtedly been said to him over and over again. He could tell by the brunet's voice that he believed every word. 

"Eren." All that Levi could manage at that moment was the boy's name. His voice sounded strange to his own ears. It was heavy and weighted with the force of his emotions that he could not release. It must have been enough to bring Eren back from wherever he was trapped in his own mind as his startling green eyes instantly flicked up to lock onto Levi's. 

"I haven't known you for that long, but I can tell you that none of that is true. Your friends adore you, I can tell that from just being around them for five seconds. They would never think less of you for what you've been through. You've earned their friendship and they've earned yours and there's nothing that anybody could do to take that away." Levi said staring into Eren's wide eyes. 

"Eren, do you trust me?" 

Eren stiffened in surprise but gave a small confused nod. Levi did his best push down the warmth he felt at that. 

"I won't lie to you. I won't treat you like you're made of glass, because I can see how strong you are despite how you're feeling right now. So I need you to trust me when I say that your friends would fall all over themselves to try to show you that they need you by their sides, but you have to let them. You are brave and you are strong and no matter how it may feel, that is not something that can be taken from you. You've been hurt, and you need time to heal. You feel lost, so let the people who know you and care about you help you find yourself.

It takes strength and bravery to lean on others, to reach out and put your trust in them. Things have been shaken and pieces have been scattered, but with those who care about you and time, you'll piece everything back together. We'll piece it back together." Levi watched as Eren took in his words. His own chest was nearly heaving from what he had said and how much he meant it.

A long moment passed between them.

"I trust you." Eren said finally in such a small voice, Levi had to lean forward to hear him. 

There was the tiniest spark of something hopeful behind Eren's green eyes and Levi was floored by how much faith Eren had put in him. That he trusted him enough to believe him even a bit. 

The brunet boy slumped backward against the pillows of his bed as exhaustion hit him since he'd calmed a little. 

"Thank you, Levi. I think tomorrow I'll ask Mikasa to see if Jean might want to come by." 

Levi couldn't stop the smile that appeared on his face. Eren really was always fighting, whether he knew it or not. 

"Get some sleep, brat." 

He didn't even try to hide the smile in his voice as he bid Eren goodnight. He then turned on his heel to give him and his friends some peace. 

That kid needed rest, and he didn't have the heart to tell him that his friends had been awake since he'd walked in. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it got pretty intense and I'm sorry! I really wanted to show the extent of Nile's cruelty and how him forcing Eren in that way made Eren lose all sense of self. How hopeless he felt when everyone wanted to hurt him and not even his own body was on his side. I wanted to emphasize that the assaults that Eren suffered from Nile and his guards deeply affected him in ways that not even physical pain could. 
> 
> I wanted to give an image of how deeply Eren's sense of self worth has changed and it's something that will take a lot of love and support to make better. He decides to try facing his friends because he feels strength from Levi's support and also trusts him completely for reasons he doesn't even understand himself, not because Levi's words magically made him feel like he was worthy of their friendship. 
> 
> Are you guys okay with the flashbacks to Eren's time in captivity? Do you like them? I'm fucked up and like writing super angsty flashbacks and I imagine there will be many more in the future as Eren is healing. 
> 
> I'm freaking out because I feel like everyone will hate this chapter, but I'm also really tired so I think I'm going to just post it.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys as always for your support! Please let me know your thoughts and feelings in your comments! Your feedback is what motivates me to write and get the next chapter out faster! :D 
> 
> I'm sorry if there are mistakes, I'll proofread in the morning!

Jean's hands were clenching and un-clenching over and over at his sides. He was alone in the hallway that led to the infirmary and that appeared to be the first small blessing he'd had in a long time. His whole body was stiff and he was about 90% sure that some of his limbs were twitching. His breaths were harsh and forced as he willed his racing heart to slow. 

He paused and leaned against the wall as his stomach gave a particularly violent lurch. 

_"If you'd like to, Eren would like to see you." Mikasa had stopped before him on the way to the mess hall and spoken to him for the first time since Eren's return._

_Jean felt his heart clench in his chest. He had known it was only a matter of time before he'd have to face Eren, but it didn't stop Mikasa's words from instantly igniting a roaring fire of anxiety in the pit of his stomach._

_He had gone instantly motionless. His breath was caught in his throat. He could feel Mikasa's watchful eyes take in his reaction but he had bigger problems than just that._

_"I-I-" Jean stuttered out, even though he had no words to say._

_He looked at her with wide, guilt-filled eyes. Something in Mikasa's eyes softened at that._

_But she said nonetheless, "Jean, you'd better go see him. You'd better not back out." And it was just as intimidating as always._

_She moved to walk past him. To leave him standing there with his feet nailed to the ground._

_But then she paused, as if thinking. "Eren needs to see you. You need to see him too."_

_And then she was gone._

Jean had never before in his life felt so divided. He had faced titans head on as a trainee, half of himself had wanted to run and hide and the other half wanted to be more than that and fight. But this was something somehow so much harder. He needed to see Eren, but he was also so afraid to see him too. 

Jean wanted to stop and hide and die in shame. But he also wanted to run the rest of the way to the infirmary and throw himself on his knees before Eren and beg his forgiveness. 

Over time, he had learned to accept everyone else's words. He had accepted that he couldn't have saved Eren that night. He knows logically that the only thing he could have done, was make Eren's situation worse, or get the information that was needed to save him. He knows that. 

But as he stood there five feet from the infirmary door, he realized that if Eren didn't see it that way, there was nothing else that mattered. 

Over time, Jean had come to see Eren as a truly close and important friend, someone he respected and cared about, although he'd never have admitted it out loud. When they were younger, Eren had showed him a kindness that he wasn't used to with his brash personality. And their bond had strengthened over time. Eren and Marco were his closest friends... and Marco was-- 

He felt so selfish, but he just had lost Marco, and he didn't think he could handle Eren hating him too. 

And like his mind was made only to torture him, it instantly summoned images of what he was so afraid of. 

Squeezing his eyes shut, he could see Eren's blank green eyes from that night, that looked muddy and so so wrong. He could see Eren turning toward him looking angry and betrayed. 

_"I thought you were my friend, Jean! How could you leave me there?" Eren asked accusingly._

_"You heard what they did to me. You could have stopped it!" The Eren in his mind was advancing towards him now and Jean could only step back in horror and shame._

_"You saw the blood and cum between my legs! You saw the bite marks on my neck and the hand prints on my skin." Eren was trapping him against the wall with his words- so that there was nowhere to hide from his own guilt._

_"I-I'm so s-sorry--" Jean stammered, tears streaming down his face._

_"You're sorry?" Eren hisses, "They were raping me, Jean! And you left me there. You stood not ten feet away and let it happen! You call yourself my friend, but you're a coward."_

_Jean sank to his knees and cried because Eren was right._

_"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He repeated brokenly knowing he could say it every second for the rest of his life and it would never be enough._

"Oh Jean, sweetie..." 

Jean was wrenched away from his waking nightmare and suddenly found himself back outside of the infirmary. He hadn't felt himself fall backwards against the wall, and hadn't untangled himself from the heap of limbs he had become as he had hit the floor. He blinked in confusion.

The Eren that had haunted him with his dead eyes and cold voice was gone. And crouching before him with a nimbleness that was unexpected for her age, was Beth. 

She had wasted no time pulling him in for a comforting hug and patted his back softly until his breathing normalized. 

From her pocket, she produced a pretty hand-stitched handkerchief and used it to dab away at his still wet cheeks. 

"You have nothing to fear, my child." She said offering him a small smile that soothed him instantly. 

Jean wondered how it was that she seemed to take one look at him, and know everything that troubled him instantly. She reminded him of Marco in a way, and in that moment, it was an incredibly comforting thought. 

"You promise me, that whatever Eren says, you accept it. If he does not blame you, than you let go of this guilt. You no longer dwell on that night, you only think of a better tomorrow." Beth's voice was firm but still kind. 

Jean felt lightheaded as the older woman helped him up. Beth truly was deceptively strong in every way, it seemed. 

He processed her words as she steadied him. Was there any way that he could let go of this guilt and self hatred that had consumed him so thoroughly? 

Jean took a deep breath and looked Beth in the eyes. And he decided he would do his best to try. If by some miracle Eren did not hate him, he would try. 

He couldn't be there for him that night, but Jean would be there for him here on out. No matter what. 

"I promise." Jean said feeling calmer at his resolution. 

Beth watched the change in the young man before her and was instantly grateful that Eren had such strong, determined friends who cared so deeply about him. 

"Good." She agreed and began to lightly guide him toward the infirmary door. 

"Now go." 

_\-----------_

Before his mind could catch up with his body and cause him to hesitate, Jean quickly walked through the door of the infirmary. He could feel the pounding of his chest and hear the blood rushing in his ears. 

Eren was sitting near the edge of his bed with his knees drawn up to his chest. He looked worried and uncertain which was such a strange look on Eren Jaeger, and it only made his heart clench that much harder. 

Sensing his presence Eren's green eyes shot up to meet his. 

Those eyes were duller than before, but there was a light within them that was unmistakably Eren. He could see all of the determination and bravery that seemed to make up his friend swirling just under the emerald surface. 

Jean did not even register the half choked sob that left his throat before he fell to his knees, halfway to Eren's bed. 

"Jean!" He heard Eren call, but he could barely hear him. 

Tears welled up in his eyes. They were tears of pure relief that he had not been able to contain after seeing his friend's eyes still overflowing with life. They were not the same eyes that he had looked into on that horrible night. And he let the image before him replace the blank, disconnected stare that had been keeping him up at night. 

"Eren, I'm so so sorry." Jean sobbed. The dam that he had poured his feelings broke and everything came rushing out. All of the things he was desperate to say were pouring from his mouth and he knew that he couldn't stop it. "I'm so sorry, Eren. Please believe me, I'm so sorry for leaving you there, for being so weak. I couldn't stop them from-- from hurting you. I'm just... I'm just so  _sorry._ I understand if you hate me but I need you to know how sorry I am. I know it doesn't make up for what I did, but I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you." 

He could barely see anything through the blurriness of his tears. Eren had jumped forward and rushed to meet him on the floor as soon as he had fallen. The brunet boy was close and could hear his every word. Was he glaring at him with hate and screaming accusations? He couldn't tell and he was too afraid to wipe away his tears and look. 

And then he suddenly felt himself being pulled forward. Jean felt thin arms wrap around his shoulders and shaking hands grasp desperately at the back of his uniform. 

The blond boy was instantly confused and his mind struggled to process the situation. Eren wasn't yelling at him. He wasn't spitting anger or accusations... he was hugging him like his life depended on it. He felt hope flutter to life in his chest and the force of it only made him sob harder. 

He felt his own arms reach forward and return the smaller boy's embrace. The two of them stayed like that for several moments longer. With their heads buried in the other's shoulders, they released the emotions that had built up. 

When they pulled away slowly, Jean saw that Eren's eyes were puffy and still water. His nose was red and he was sniffing slightly. His mouth was pressed into a worried line and he was not looking at him. 

As the emotional high wore off, Jean gathered his wits about him. He was sure it was the hardest thing that he'd ever had to do, but he needed Eren to listen to him, and he wasn't sure how much his friend had understood when he had run into the room and had fallen to the ground sobbing out apologies. 

"Eren," He said taking a shaking breath. Green eyes met his and Jean couldn't believe he had forgotten how expressive Eren's eyes were. The look he received was full of fear and expectation. He swallowed thickly, but pressed on nonetheless. 

"I'm so sorry. I just- I will say it until I die. I'm sorry. If you hate me I understand. I promise I wanted to rip out the throats of every one of those rotten bastards that hurt you. Please believe me, I never wanted to leave you there. I'm so sorry. I know I was weak, I couldn't save you." Jean searched Eren's face for any sign of reaction as the words left his lips. 

The look that Eren sent him was something he hadn't prepared for. The brunet boy was looking back at him with an expression of pure confusion. As if Jean had been speaking to him in a different language, like his words were just incomprehensible. 

"J-Jean.. I don't-- what??" Eren shook his head in an attempt to clear mind, "Jean, you saved me. I don't understand why you're apologizing. You didn't leave me there. You came back for me and you're the reason I'm no longer there.  _I owe you everything._ You gave me hope when I wanted to give up." 

Jean searched Eren's open and honest eyes for any sense of untruth. When he found none a wave of shock coursed through his body. 

This was how Eren truly felt. He wanted to weep with relief, but instead he remembered the promise that he made to Beth. He remembered that he promised he would accept Eren's words and feelings and with that he felt as if a massive weight had been pulled off of his chest. 

"Are you saying you'll forgive me?" Jean asked hesitantly, the possibility was too good to even hope for. 

"I'm saying there's nothing to forgive." Eren replied, "Jean, I wanted to thank you for what you did. I would still... be there if it wasn't for you. You told me to hold on and you gave me the strength to not give up. There is no way I could blame you for anything." 

Jean felt like he could breathe easier. He felt less alone and for the first time in a long time, he felt the shackles of guilt fall away. But that miraculous lightness that had taken over his body came to a sudden halt at Eren's next words. 

"I was so afraid you wouldn't want to be near me since you saw... since you knew... because you had seen how weak and -and disgusting I am..." 

Eren had whispered his fear with a trembling voice and so much sincerity that Jean was instantly horrified and heartbroken. 

His stubborn, brown haired friend said countless things in the past that he had disagreed with, and instantly they had butted heads. But now that Eren had just uttered the statement that Jean disagreed with more than anything else he had ever heard, he found himself speechless. 

All he knew was that he couldn't let Eren go on thinking about himself like that. 

For what was probably the millionth time since Trost, Jean desperately wished that Marco was with him. He always knew exactly the right thing to say and do. Jean wasn't only good with words. He wasn't all that good at actions, either. Marco had always been the voice of reason, he had helped him sort through his outbursts and put words to his feelings. 

But Marco wasn't there. Jean thought with a sharp pang in his chest that he knew would follow him for the rest of his life. The blond boy took a breath to steady himself. 

"Eren, don't say that." 

Jean cringed to himself at the sound of his own wavering voice. Marco would have done so much better. But Eren's anxious green eyes were searching his face, so he steeled his resolve. 

"You are by far the strongest person I know." You are not weak, okay? You are not less and you sure as hell aren't disgusting because of what those sick fuckers did to you! They are the weak ones. They are the disgusting scum of this world, and there is not a thing they could do to you that would make me think any less of you." 

Jean's voice had risen in volume, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't stand the idea of Eren hurting even more because of what those awful people had done to him. He knew his cheeks were flushed and he was breathing heavily from the exertion of his feelings, he was sure he looked just as desperate as he felt. Eren was looking back at him with eyes widened by his outburst, he looked alarmed but not afraid. 

"Please, Eren, please believe me." Jean pleaded feeling like a complete failure. 

The smaller boy was silent as he stared at Jean looking more than just a little shaken by Jean's plea. The moment stretched out in time and they each felt the weight of it between them. 

Then Eren let out a soft sound that broke them both out of their trance. The sound itself was small and sounded like something between a laugh and a sob. His green eyes looked away. 

"I knew deep down you cared about me, horseface." When Eren looked up he was wearing a small but playful smile. The tumultuous feelings that were whirling around inside of him had pulled at his expression so that it looked more like a wince, but Jean could see his friend clearly underneath. 

Jean couldn't help the grin that filled his entire face or the rush of relief that threatened to knock the breath from his lungs. 

Things weren't okay, not by a long shot, but they were okay between them. He knew that his sloppy vomit of feelings wasn't enough to convince Eren of his worth as a person and as a friend, but he knew that the other boy had at least accepted that Jean did not view him as any less. 

He shook his head and let out a booming laugh that filled the infirmary with a warmth that had been sorely missed. 

"You tell anyone though, and I will deny it, Jaeger." Jean shot back playfully. 

The smile that Eren sent him in return gifted him with a peace that worked at easing the guilt that had become such a fundamental part of him. 

He took a deep breath in and only felt lighter. On his exhale, Jean allowed himself to be forgiven, just a little, and he thought to himself, 

_'Don't worry, Marco. We are healing.'_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh so what did you guys think about the Jean and Eren reunion?? Both equally afraid the other will hate them. I hope I did it justice!


End file.
